


Coffins and Carnations

by pr0blemat1c



Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, First Dates, First Love, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Love at First Sight, On Hiatus, Virginity, its fluff with some minor drama, its the mortician/florist fic you never knew you needed, lots of firsts idk, lots of poetry, might have some ooc idk its supposed to be fun, no sylens bc hes a turd, nobody dies actually except elisabet, rost doesnt die bc thats lame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 16:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14856569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pr0blemat1c/pseuds/pr0blemat1c
Summary: Modern Horizon Zero Dawn AU where Aloy works at Rost's flower shop in a troubled town with a past. Nil is the local Mortician who wanders into their shop one morning, needing flowers for a funeral and finding love instead.Featuring Such Roles As:Erend as the town police chiefVanasha and Talanah as Aloy's helpful but overbearing training partnersTeb as a famous town dressmaker, a fashion iconVarl as the nosy but loveable best friendRost as the bossy but well-meaning adoptive father who just wants to garden and keep his kid safeSome drama, lots of fluff and humor, probably some smut later. No Beta so its probably a little messy*Currently on Hiatus while I Hyperfocus on Other Stuff*





	1. Lilac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Lilac; The beauty of a first love, the innocence of a new life in spring_

Aloy yawned, sipping slowly at her too-hot morning tea to avoid burning the tip of her tongue in her haste. Her eyes were still crusted with sleep, and her fingertips aggressively gripped her cup to keep some warmth in her still-sleeping body. Why Rost insisted on her taking the morning shift and then leaving the shop so ridiculously cold was beyond her; probably something about teaching her to be tough or some other nonsense.  
  
They had owned the flower shop for many years now but Rost had only recently started putting Aloy in charge of opening and closing shifts, probably due to her increase in free time after graduating high school. She was only attending the local college part-time, mostly due to her indecision about a major, and she had to admit that the excess of free-time was killing her too. Still, she wished she could just work a normal afternoon shift rather than having to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn when nobody even came into the shop until around noon anyway. It was garbage, and Aloy groaned, wishing she was at home in bed.  
  
As if to spite her, the bell above the door jingled merrily, and Aloy bit back a loud sigh. She focused on the order paperwork in front of her, trying to decipher Rost’s messy handwriting.  
  
“Good Morning, welcome to Demeter’s Garden, what can I help you with?” Aloy chimed, feeling disgusted at her own customer service voice.  After a moment of silence she raised her head, wondering if the person had simply stuck their head in and left.  
  
The man standing ahead of her was tall, smartly dressed in a minimalistic dress shirt and tie. His hair was shorn along the sides, curly along the middle and attractively unkempt. He was gently examining a group of lilac at the center of one of the display bouquets, and his face was hidden from her in the shadow of the morning light filtering through the front windows of the store. Aloy leaned forward over the counter, clearing her throat in case the man was hard of hearing. He looked young, but you never knew.  
  
“Umm, Hello? Are you here to pick up an order?” She called over the counter, tapping her pen against the wood below her papers.  
  
The man finally seemed to notice he was being spoken to, and he turned to face her, a polite half-smile on his face. Aloy’s gut clenched in anxiety; he had markings on his face. Small circular tattoos connected by a line to his lower lid, steely gray eyes masked by a light layer of expertly applied eyeliner. She had never seen a member of the shadow gangs in her shop, but she knew the area well enough to recognize that their territory extended over her block. Her brain clicked into action, trying to remember what Rost had told her about potential gang activity.  
  
“You should go,” she blurted, her gut coiling in anxious turmoil.  
  
He blinked once, surprised, but his smile only widened slightly. “Oh?” He hummed questioningly, and turned from her to examine another of the bouquets. “My sincerest apologies, I thought your sign said you were open.”  
  
“We are,” Aloy replied as her frown deepened, hands clenching along the top of the front desk. “We don’t tolerate gang activity here,” she pressed, trying to keep her voice steady. She felt like she was succeeding, and the man lifted his eyebrows to nod at her.  
  
“Yes, it can be quite dangerous out there. It pays to be careful nowadays,” he confirmed, his thumb gently running over the petals of a purple carnation.  
  
“Maybe for you,” Aloy blurted, and the man turned his face back to her again. “This shop is protected by the vanguard.”  
  
He nodded, then turned and stepped closer to the front desk, reaching into his inner jacket. Aloy felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end before she realised he was pulling a small notebook out of his front pocket. “Well,” he started, flipping through the page mild-naturedly. “You’ll be glad to know that they’re doing a fine job out there.”  
  
The notepad was placed open onto the counter, a short list of names and flowers listed in short succession, a few crossed out. Aloy’s brow furrowed, and she looked up at the man questioningly.  
  
“Even bad men have friends,” he replied simply, and realization dawned on Aloy.  
  
“These… are for funerals?” She questioned dumbly, her body relaxing somewhat.  
  
The man nodded curtly, and fished something else out of his pocket. A small engraved silver container with an ‘N’ stamped on the cover in overtly showy font. From within he produced a simplistic black business card. The words _‘Sunstone Mortician and Funeral Home’_ were displayed, as well as a short list of basic contact information, services, and a name.  
  
“Nil,” Aloy mused aloud, reading the name off the card. “I’ve never seen you around here before.”  
  
He shrugged affably, running a hand through his hair. “My usual service provider is unavailable, on vacation for some time unfortunately. Yours is the next closest shop, and you seem to have a good eye for color arrangement.”  
  
Aloy set the card down on the counter, eyeing the man- Nil, she corrected herself, and nodded. He seemed harmless enough. Criminals mourned the dead just like anyone else, who was she to deny them of their right for something to brighten up an otherwise somber occasion? Besides, this was an opportunity to make a regular customer, and Rost would be proud of her if she could secure an efficient working relationship with another local business. She would just leave out the part about his frightening eye tattoos. That would be fine, right?  
  
Pulling open the file cabinet under the counter, Aloy retrieved the necessary paperwork for a business order and began copying the information over from his notes. Nil mused over several more of the bouquets in the room, his fingers gently examining the flowers as Aloy watched him from the corner of her eye. His movements were careful and he was deadly silent as he moved around the front of the shop. Her initial fear drained as she watched the way he carefully regarded the displays, smiling at little details such as ribbons or example note cards with cute sayings written on them.  
  
“Okay!” She announced, finishing the last line on the documents. “I’ll just need you to sign over on these and fill out the request times for either delivery or pickup, then you’ll be all set.”  
  
He sauntered over to the counter, face relaxed in a neutral expression as he retrieved a fancy looking pen from his shirt pocket. It ran fluidly across the page, making Aloy feel somewhat embarrassed at her scratchy handwriting with the cheap dollar store pens she had in the office. She made a mental note to pick up some better writing tools later that day, Rost’s voice echoing in her mind _‘presentation is the first impact we make on our customers, Aloy.’_  
  
“Is there anything else I can do for you?” Aloy chimed automatically, moving to file away the paperwork.  
  
“Yes, actually,” Nil said, surveying the shop with his hand thoughtfully placed at the tip of his chin. “Which of these bouquets is your favorite?”

  
Aloy’s brow knit together, and she tilted her head questioningly at him. “My... favorite?”  
  
Nil nodded gesturing in a wide sweep to the bouquets on display. “They’re all fresh, so I assume you made them this morning before opening up. Of all that you have available today, which is your favorite?”  
  
“Hmm”, Aloy hummed, examining the shop critically. Her eyes rested on a simple arrangement of fresh peonies. She’d always liked the fragrant fat flowers, and the placement of the simple bouquet this morning was more for herself, if she had to admit. They’d come in fresh the evening before and she couldn’t resist setting a small group of them out in the window.  
  
Nil followed her line of sight, stepping forward to carefully remove the light bouquet from its water stand. He looked at Aloy for confirmation, and she nodded at him, somewhat sad to see the arrangement go.  
  
His tab paid in full, Nil collected his portion of the paperwork and selected a dainty crystal vase for the peonies, pressing his nose into the bed of petals to inhale slowly. “An excellent choice,” he confirmed, smiling at Aloy as he set the vase at the corner of her countertop before collecting his paperwork and walking to the door.  
  
Aloy frowned, picking up the flowers in confusion. “Wait, sir, aren’t you going to take these?”  
  
He waved his hand up behind him as he exited the door. “They’re for you, little poppy. See you soon.”  
  
She opened her mouth to yell after him, her cheeks burning at the chiding nickname, but stopped with a start as she realized she never introduced herself. What was he supposed to do? “Stupid…” she mumbled to herself, her eyes sliding over to the vase. She pulled one flower forward, inhaling the sweet scent, and caught sight of a small red card protruding from the base. There was a short quote and a number written, and she pulled it from where it was wedged between two stems.  
  
“To write you into poems, and make you unerasable.” (xxx) xxx-xxxx  
  
She flipped the note over, but nothing else was written on the back. Comparing with the business card he had left, she noted with interest that the two numbers didn’t match up. The one listed on the formal card must be the office number, she reasoned, which meant the one on the red card...  
  
Aloy clapped her hand to her jaw, shoving the card back into the flowers and shuffling the paperwork with embarrassment. Fully awake now, she sipped at her tea with apprehension, hoping Rost would refrain from putting her on the opening shift again in the future so she could avoid dealing with the glaring red note beside her.  
  
It was several hours later before Varl came in to relieve her, and she waited anxiously for his arrival. As soon as he crossed the threshold of the door, Aloy leaped from the counter, rushing over to him. “Varl holy shit you’ll never guess what happened to me this morning,” she gushed, eyes wide with excitement.  
  
Varl took a step back, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What,” he deadpanned, unsure how to react.  
  
“Some guy came in with eye tattoos, and he ordered a bunch of flowers from us for the prison funeral home!” Aloy said, hopping back from one foot to the other as Varl’s eyes widened. “And he was a total gentleman, which is crazy considering the whole eye tattoo thing, and he left me this!”  
  
She darted back to the desk, gesturing to the vase full of peonies. Varl’s confused expression deepened. “Okay first, what the fuck, and second… that looks like one of your bouquets, Aloy, what are you talking about.”  
  
“Yes, its one of mine,” she agreed, and pulled the red note from the flowers. “He bought them and then left them here for me, with this note.”  
  
Varl snatched the note from her hand, examining it carefully. “Its… poetry? And his phone number, woah holy shit,” he swore, clinging at the small red card. “Aloy this seems like trouble. Are you going to tell Rost?”  
  
Aloy frowned, shifting her feet. “I’m not sure,” she admitted, retrieving the card from Varl’s grasp. “He seemed… okay. It doesn’t really feel fair to discriminate against him just because he works with the prison. I mean, criminals need to bury their dead too, right?”  
  
He shook his head, moving around her to set his shoulder bag down on the counter. “Yeah but Aloy, only gang members have those nasty eye tattoos. What if he doesn’t just work with the prison?”  
  
“I thought of that too, but he just didn’t give off that vibe to me,” she admitted, chewing the inside of her mouth. “He was really courteous and straightforward. I told him to get out before I even heard his story and he wasn’t even mad, like he understood?”  
  
“Of course he understood Aloy, he knows what he looks like,” Varl countered, shaking his head. “What else?”  
  
Aloy shrugged, offering the office copy of the paperwork for the flower orders. “Nothing, he just put in an order for pickup in the next few days. It was totally normal, other than the tattoo thing and the note in the flowers.”  
  
Varl examined the paperwork, his lips pursed. He read through the information on the pages several times before replying. “I still think we should tell Rost.”  
  
“No,” Aloy said, meeting Varl’s gaze evenly over the papers. “I want Rost to think I can handle the shop while he’s not here. He’s finally stopped breathing down my neck, Varl. If he finds out about this he’ll put me on lockdown.”  
  
Safety had been a concern Aloy’s whole life. Her mother had been a popular figure in the governing system of the city before her death, and she’d taken many radical steps towards eradicating crime, poverty and other issues, making a few enemies along the way. Aloy had been enrolled in online schooling since her sophomore year in high school, due to threats of violence by the gang on the campus. It didn’t matter that Aloy had stayed as far away from her mother’s legacy as possible; she was still a Sobeck, and they wanted her gone.  
  
Rost, to his credit, had prepared her more than anyone could have expected. Combat training, conflict management, basic medical certification… he had made sure she knew it all. It helped as well that her mentor though the local foster program, Erend, had grown up to become chief of police and watched over her like a hawk. Everyone knew who she was and for one reason or another most of them feared her too, or they placed her on a high pedestal from which she had no way to return. Both were bad, and Aloy hated it.  
  
She was a local myth. Strikingly similar to her mother and wickedly smart. She beat up four boys twice her size in the eighth grade and got on the front cover of the newspaper. You just didn’t recover from infamy like that, and Aloy knew this. Any chance that Rost gave her to live a normal life she scrabbled at, and an incident like this was a huge potential setback for her.  
  
Varl seemed to follow her line of thinking and sighed, shaking his head. “I know you can handle yourself Aloy, but I got a bad feeling about it,” he groaned, flipping on his shop apron and plopping down on the chair at the front counter. “But you know I’ve got your back. I won’t say anything to Rost.”  
  
Aloy breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Varl. You’re the best.”  
  
He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I know.”  
  
Aloy slipped into the back as the bell over the door chimed, taking off her apron and settling into the office desk chair behind the old desktop computer they kept for business use. It booted up slowly, cooling fan grinding haphazardly against the years of dust likely caked into the hardware, and Aloy fiddled with the black business card Nil had handed her absent mindedly.  
  
Googling the information yielded few results. It was, in fact, the morticians contracted by the local prison to deal with inmate deaths, but it also seemed to be open for business to the local public. The webpage was standard, neatly posted information in a somber black and gray layout. There wasn’t any information on Nil within the pages, and Aloy noted with interest that there didn’t seem to be any employee information noted at all. Strange.  
  
She tried searching his name next, which yielded even less. No social media profiles, no news, no business connections. Aloy frowned but wasn’t entirely surprised; with only a first name, it would be difficult to come across anything substantial.  
  
She tried changing up a few words, combing for anything else and finally came across an older news article, dated several years past. _‘Local Mortician Services Eclipse; Does Death Take No Bribes?_ ’ Aloy squinted, skimming over the article. Apparently, people had begun to notice that one local gang would repeatedly hold memorial services and burials at a place called ‘ _Distant Rumors Funeral Home’_ , and rumor was spreading that the business may have been a cover operation. Killing off enemies or members and then shipping out the bodies, or perhaps even faking deaths to evade police prosecution.  
  
The only photo accompanying the article was a shot of the front of the alleged business. “Bingo,” Aloy murmured, comparing the shot from the article to the cover photo of Nil’s mortuary website. The two were identical, right down to the odd gothic exterior architecture. _‘Not enough to point to anything fishy... but still.’_  
  
Aloy cleared her browsing history and finished entering the customer orders into the system. A curiosity had begun to knot away in her stomach, and she found herself hoping that Nil would return during her shift in the next few days to pick up his order. If she could prove he was up to no good and solve the problem, she could prove to Rost that she was able to take care of herself. Conversely, if he was innocent of any mischief, it would prove that not all strangers who appeared dangerous were a threat to her. Smiling to herself, Aloy shut down the computer and jogged to the bus stop, eager for once to come back to work the next day.


	2. Ranunculus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Ranunculus; You are radiant with charm_

Several days passed before Nil returned, and Aloy watched the calendar anxiously as it neared the date of his order pickup. The bell over the door of the shop chimed shortly after opening, just as it had when he appeared for his first visit, and Aloy’s entire body tensed as he entered through the doorframe.  
  
His posture was relaxed and his face still held that polite half-smile as he entered. The dress shirt he wore today was slightly more relaxed, yet Aloy still couldn’t help but feel sorrowfully underdressed in comparison to him, wearing just a comfortable hoodie and a pair of jean shorts.  
  
“Good Morning,” she greeted him, trying her best to smile politely. “Here to pick up your order?”  
  
Nil nodded, pausing at the display case as he had done the day before, examining the selection of fresh bouquets for sale. Aloy dipped into the back and produced his arrangements, hauling them out and setting them at the counter. He stepped forward and examined them for a moment, and she felt a pang of nervousness at his critical gaze before he smiled up at her warmly.  
  
“Did you make these?” He asked, his finger running over the silk ribbon of one centerpiece.  
  
Aloy nodded, suddenly self-conscious of her work. “Yeah, are they okay?”  
  
Nil shook his head, his smile widening. “They’re beautiful,” he amended, standing up from the flowers and turning his head to look at the rest of the shop. “Well, what is it today, little poppy? Do you have a favorite?”  
  
“My name is Aloy,” she corrected him, trying not to sound annoyed. He didn’t look surprised, or really have any reaction at all, which made him all the more suspicious to Aloy. Who _hadn’t_ heard of her?  
  
“I see, Aloy,” he noted, testing her name on his tongue. “Then I suppose another bouquet of Peonies will do nicely.”  
  
He presented the flowers to her gently, passing forward a paper bill over the table. “Umm, you don’t... have to buy flowers for me,” Aloy insisted, shuffling her feet. “I work with them all day, you know?”  
  
Nil raised his eyebrows. “Do people give you flowers often?” He asked, gesturing to the bouquet.  
  
“No?” Aloy began, and Nil nodded knowingly.  
  
“It is not a matter of what you need, but what you deserve,” he explained, as if the information should be obvious. “If there is ever a man, or woman, who comes to give you what you deserve, then you need only let me know and I will cease.”  
  
Aloy frowned. What the hell was this guy talking about?  
  
“What the hell are you talking about?”  
  
Nil laughed, a rich sound, and Aloy blushed in chastisement. “You know,” he started, his fingers entwined in the petals of the bouquet. “Peonies represent bashfulness, which is very amusing coming from you, Aloy.”  
  
She scowled at him, crossing her arms. “They also represent indignation,” she pointed out shortly.  
  
He nodded, smile widening. “And compassion,” he added, his eyes becoming slightly more serious. “Thank you, Aloy, for these beautiful arrangements. I look forward to seeing you for my next order.”  
  
Not sure what to say, Aloy simply nodded and watched him as he turned to leave the store. She felt slightly ashamed, having been so coarse with him when it only seemed like he was trying to be nice. He probably had a tough time finding businesses that would serve him around town, despite the fact that he was so courteous. Her eyes drifted to the fresh peonies, fondly playing at the petals as he had done. For someone so frightening in appearance, his mannerisms were strangely gentle.  
  
Aloy froze, finger brushing against a hard edge within the petals. “Oh my god,” she mumbled, digging her fingers in between the stems of the flowers. “Not again… when did he even-?”  
  
_“If some longing goes unmet, don't be astonished. We call that life.”_  
  
It was in the same careful script, on the same red weathered card paper. Aloy swallowed hard, reading the phrase over again in her head. It was obviously a response to her disregarding his earlier message, and Aloy felt a pinprick of regret. She was curious about him, why hadn’t she just texted him after he left his number? Frantically, she pulled the other paper from where she’d stuffed it into a cardslot in her wallet, and traced over the numbers with her fingers.  
  
Sighing, she added the new card into her wallet and rested her head in her hands on the counter. Against her better judgement, she spent the rest of her shift thinking about Nil; the way he walked, how he talked, the gentle way he regarded the arrangements within the shop, his smooth steely eyes…  
  
“Hey, Aloy, what’s up!”  
  
Aloy shifted into a sitting position with a start, breathing deeply to calm her heart as Varl entered the shop through the back door. “Geez Varl, you nearly gave me a heart attack!”  
  
He laughed, cuffing her on the shoulder. “Hey, you know better than to let somebody sneak up on you like that!” He teased, settling up next to the counter and smiling at her. “What’s got you so lost in thought?”  
  
Aloy shifted, unsure of how to proceed. “That guy came in again. The one with the tattoos,” she confided, leaning forward to Varl.  
  
He stiffened, instantly serious. “What happened? Are you okay? Did he give you any trouble?”  
  
“No, of course not!” Aloy snapped, annoyance evident in her tone. “He came in and got his flowers and it was totally fine.”  
  
Varl scowled at her. “What do you mean ‘of course not’, is he some big scary gang guy or not?”  
  
Aloy twisted her hair around her index finger. “Well, no, I mean I don’t think so. He seems really sweet honestly.”  
  
If possible, Varl cut his eyes even harder at Aloy. “Describe him to me.”  
  
Aloy did her best to describe him; the circular tattoos, his fluid posture, the way he gently caressed the flowers in the shop, his polite way of speaking... Varl interrupted her halfway, insisting they replay the camera footage from the front room so he could get a better look at the man. Aloy watched along with him, examining Varl’s face to gauge his reaction. He kept his expression schooled into a perfect poker face right up until the end of the taped conversation, where his mouth split into a shit-eating grin.  
  
“Aaalllooyyy…” he jeered, poking his index finger into her arm.  
  
“What?” She snapped, smacking his hand away. She watched the exchange over again, seeing nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
“Handsome, isn’t he?” Varl chimed, eyebrows wiggling.  
  
“I guess so,” Aloy admitted begrudgingly, crossing her arms in front of her. “So what?”  
  
Varl laughed jeeringly, popping out of his seat and theatrically gesturing towards her. “You like him! Admit it!”  
  
Aloy scoffed, cheeks reddening. “What? Shut up! Ten minutes ago you were lecturing me about how dangerous he is, what’s wrong with you?”  
  
He continued to laugh, dancing around where she sat until she stood up, pushing him away from her. “Look at yourself, Aloy! Half your body is bent over that fucking counter to talk to him!”  
  
She flushed, rewinding the tape again. He was right. Oh god, had she really leaned in that close when he was talking to her? Scowling, she rewound the tape further, searching the exchange.  
  
“What are you looking for?” Varl asked behind her, finally regaining his composure.  
  
“He left me another note, that sneak. I want to see where he slid it into the flowers.”  
  
Varl bounced out into the main lobby, and Aloy heard him rattle around a moment before he popped his head back into the office. “I don’t see a note,” he said, eyebrows raised. “Did you throw it away?”  
  
“No, its in my wallet with the other note,” Aloy replied, rolling her eyes as Varl jeered another “ooooooo” at her from the doorway.  
  
She groaned, setting her forehead against the table and trying to tune him out, waiting for him to get tired of his teasing. But as luck would have it, Varl questioned her about him until the end of their shared portion of the shift, asking for every little detail possible about their exchanges. Aloy, thoroughly exasperated, practically sprinted out of the shop at the end of her shift, standing at the bus stop for an extra fifteen minutes just to avoid Varl’s questioning.  
  
She resolved to keep any future exchanges to herself, but volunteered to take every morning shift for the next month. _‘For my investigation’_ , she told herself.  
  
_‘You’re full of shit’_ , said a voice in her mind back to her.  
  
Nil visited every three days for the next three weeks for regularly scheduled pickups. Each morning he would arrive, shortly after opening, peruse the flowers before completing his business and purchase a bouquet for her. Each time he left a card within the flowers; little bits of poetry, phrases, sometimes even compliments.  
  
_“Is there anything better than to be longing for something, when you know it is within reach?”_  
  
At first, Aloy was determined to confront him about them, to demand why he insisted on leaving these cryptic messages for her. If he had something to say, why not just say it? Yet whenever the moment came, that breath of silence before he made his departure each time, the words evaded her. Perhaps it was better, she decided, to leave such a simple thing as it was, uncomplicated.  
  
_“He who dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose.”_  
  
After the first week, she began leaving identical cards within the arrangements she packaged for him. He never acknowledged them, just as she never spoke of the ones he left for her, but his face was alight in a way Aloy had not previously seen the day he returned after her first note. Her handwriting was not nearly as neat as his, but she was determined to reciprocate in some way, if not just to thank him for his kindness.  
  
_“Things done well and with a care, exempt themselves from fear.”_  
  
Aloy laid awake in bed some nights, frustrated. What could she say in such a small space that could convey what she felt? The card with the number sat heavy in her pocket, but she could never bring herself to message him. What if she had passed her opportunity, and this simple arrangement was it? What even was the nature of their secret agreement, written between the lines of the cards?  
  
_“The right mixture of caring and not caring - I suppose that's what love is.”_  
  
The strange anxiety of it all; the apprehension and excitement that lived in her between days, it drove Aloy to live a simultaneously frantic and patient existence. She resolved after the first month passed to finally speak to him. To find an answer to the question that sat on her tongue every time he came into the shop, soft smile and gentle generosity.  
  
Shortly after this decision a Wednesday came, a pickup day, and he did not arrive. The card sat heavy in Aloy’s pocket, her fingers worrying against it in her jeans as she waited for hours at the counter, staying even after Varl showed up to switch shifts with her, pretending to work at the computer in the back room. She had agonized over the phrasing of her card for hours, and now it seemed all for naught. Finally, she could sit no more and grabbed the abandoned order, popping out into the front room where Varl sat over the counter, a bored expression on his face as he filed away a stack of order forms.  
  
“I’ve got to go make a rush delivery, let Rost know I’ll be home later after I’ve finished,” Aloy said to Varl as she passed him, praying he didn’t ask any questions. Thankfully, he simply hummed in response, mind on other things.  
  
Aloy’s heart beat hard in her chest the entire ride, her palms sweaty against her phone as she mapped the way to the address listed on the business forms Nil had provided. She nearly doubled back around several times, deciding to just cut her losses and return back to the shop. He would probably come in tomorrow, right? But a small voice in the back of her mind urged her forward, pushing through the heavy wooden doors at the entrance of the business. She fought back a shudder as a weathered concrete gargoyle leered at her over her shoulder, guarding the front door jealously. Why were funeral homes always so extra?  
  
The interior of the building was, in contrast to the exterior, incredibly clean and modernized in its presentation. Despite knowing practically nothing about the man, Aloy felt with conviction that this redecoration was the doing of Nil, and a flush of endearment flooded her. This was her first real glimpse into his life outside their brief encounters at the flower shop, and she stood a moment in the main parlor before voices led her deeper into the building. In hindsight, this was likely not the best judgement call.  
  
A room to the left displayed a slim hallway, with two offices settled on each side, and large windows allowed Aloy to peer into their contents. Her heart stuttered as she recognized Nil in the office to the left, curtain barely drawn. His face was cast down at a paper in front of him, expression hard but unreadable, looking like a man cut from stone. Without thinking, Aloy stepped forward and knocked on the door, balancing the box of arrangements on her knee to free her hand.  
  
Nil’s face raised slowly, and his face rapidly contorted through several emotions before he schooled it back to neutrality. He rose from his desk and a moment later the door to the office cracked open, his upper torso appearing around the frame.  
  
“Hi, umm… you didn’t come in today to pick up your order, and I thought maybe you might’ve accidentally selected pickup instead of delivery?” Aloy jabbered, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “I, uh, can just set them down, if you’d like? Sorry, I hope I haven’t interrupted anything.”  
  
She tried to look around the doorframe and Nil moved his body into her line of sight, peering down into the delivery box. “Yes,” he said slowly, expression serious as his eyes locked with hers. “I need to clarify my future orders with you, actually. Wait for me outside, would you?”  
  
Aloy nodded, unease squirming in her stomach at his contrasting behavior. He looked deadly serious, and she wondered for a moment if he was angry with her for showing up. The door closed behind him and the voices from earlier picked up again; several men, by the sound of it, who were not overly happy. She swallowed hard, moving out of the hallway and considering her options. Should she just run?  
  
No, Aloy decided, she was no coward. And this was just a funeral home with questionable decorating tastes. And she had come over unexpected. And of course people aren’t happy when they have a business meeting with a mortician, it means someone is dead. Probably.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she steeled her nerves and occupied herself with her phone, browsing over news and social media. In what felt like several hours but in likelihood was maybe fifteen minutes, a tight group of men exited the building, none of whom spared Aloy even a single glance, and filed into a dark vehicle outside. Nil followed out several moments later, serious face breaking into an easy smile as he spotted her.  
  
“Aloy,” he greeted her, voice warm. “I didn’t intend to be curt with you. I hope you’ll forgive my transgression.”  
  
She shook her head, raising her hands affably. “Oh, no, its fine. What did you need to discuss with me, though? Are your orders okay?” She wrung her hands nervously ahead of her, hoping he wasn’t wanting to take his business elsewhere. Had she been too unprofessional in her exchanges with him?  
  
Nil frowned, shaking his head. “No, Aloy your orders have been perfect. I was… detained, in a meeting this morning,” he said, frowning slightly before regaining his composure. “Thank you for bringing these to me.”  
  
“Oh, sure, of course. You’re one of my- err, our best customers,” Aloy said, handing over the box of arrangements to Nil.  
  
He placed them on the front counter of the parlor, looking over the flowers carefully, as he did when he made his visits to the shop. As he neared the end he frowned deeply and hummed to himself thoughtfully.  
  
“Is something wrong?” Aloy asked, inclining her head over the box to check for damage or flaws.  
  
“Yes, actually,” Nil admitted, turning to Aloy with a serious expression. “You didn’t leave a note for me.”  
  
_‘Ohh fuck it’s still in my pocket!!’_ Aloy’s back straightened and her eyes darted away from his face. “Umm,” she stuttered, hesitating before reaching into her pocket and producing the note. He retrieved it gently from her hands and opened it, face settling into a pleased smile.  
  
“ _‘I am homesick for a place I have never known,_ ’” he read aloud, looking up to meet her eyes. “I am familiar with this feeling, Aloy. I think that you and I have a lot in common.”  
  
Aloy swallowed nervously. “I don’t know if that’s true. I don’t know anything about you,” she admitted, rubbing her hand against her arm anxiously.  “I don’t even know if I can trust you.”  
  
“Trust is a rare egg to find, isn’t it?” Nil agreed, nodding to her but never breaking eye contact. “I’m just a mortician with a small family business and a concern about the state of this city.”  
  
“I don’t think you’re ‘just’ anything,” Aloy insisted, cutting her eyes. “What do you mean a concern about the city…?”  
  
“Hm,” Nil huffed, shifting in front of her. “Let me put it this way. Are you a member of the Eclipse gang?”  
  
Aloy scoffed. “Of course not!” She squirmed, thoughts racing. ‘ _But you look like you are.’_  
  
“Then you have nothing to fear from me,” he reassured her, his finger thumbing lightly over the small piece of cardstock in his hand. His face seemed genuine and despite Aloy’s best instincts she relaxed in response to his words.  
  
“I’m sorry, Nil. You just put on a really intimidating mask,” she explained, her eyes catching on the tattoos dripping from his lower eyelids. “And.. I don’t believe you’re just a mortician.”  
  
Nil nodded, his left hand reaching up to gently graze the marks, eyes overshadowed by emotion. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” he agreed, stepping over to run his fingers through the flowers again. “Would you like to?”  
  
Aloy swallowed hard, an excited buzzing in her chest. She thought about Varl, his cautious warnings turning into playful teasing about her obvious attraction to the strange, dark man. Rost, who only ever thought of her safety, and how he would never approve of her even serving a man who looked half as dangerous as Nil. Everyone in her life would only be looking out for her, and she had a strong feeling most would encourage her to stay far away from Nil.  
  
But Aloy had spent her whole life hiding, and choosing to live safely, away from the dangers of the outside world. She didn’t even have any real friends, if she thought hard about it. Varl was more of a work friend; they rarely hung out together outside of the floral shop. Talanah and Vanasha were excellent training partners, but they were similarly occupied with their own lives, living a path of normalcy that Aloy couldn’t seem to touch.  
  
Nil had made her life feel exciting and adventurous, taking time to write her notes and buy her flowers even though he had nothing to gain from the exchanges. It was a fresh start. It was refreshing. And damnit if Aloy wanted to have a boyfriend she felt like she fucking deserved it, she was nineteen years old after all, who was going to stop her?  
  
“Yes,” she said firmly, and Nil smiled, producing a card of his own from his pocket.  
  
_“I don’t know what they are called, the spaces between seconds– but I think of you always in those intervals”_


	3. Gardenia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Gardenia; A symbol of secret love, pure and sweet._

Nil was twenty five. He lived alone and his apartment was filled with an astounding number of plants of all shapes and sizes. It was sparsely furnished, no television and a small clean kitchen attached to a living room which overlooked the city through an expansive front window. Aloy stood along the balcony outside this window now, staring over the rooftops below her and letting the wind whip her hair around her face. It was strange how much her life had changed over the past month, from feeling like she was just going through the motions of a purposeless life to now, where she stood on the balcony of some man’s house that she didn’t even know. But she felt like she knew him. That was enough, right?  
  
He was inside preparing a fragrant earthy dish, the scent of which filtered out through the open door of the balcony to Aloy. She inhaled slowly, the smell of the food intermingling with the scent of the city below; oil and smog but also the scent of old rain and flowers and dirt below it all. Her stomach was full of giddy butterflies, hands clenched tightly against the bar rail of the balcony.   
  
_‘This is how people get kidnapped,’_ Aloy had thought idly to herself in Nil’s car on the way to his apartment. _‘Never seen again._ ’ A ridiculous smile came to Aloy’s face and Nil raised his eyebrow questioningly next to her, eyes flicking between her and the road in front of them. He had asked her what she was smiling about, and she answered by questioning whether he thought she could take him or not. He had laughed then, a wonderful sound, and Aloy had felt it really didn’t matter what he thought anyway. She could take care of herself.  
  
“Aloy.”  
  
Nil’s voice filtered in from the interior of the house and she pulled herself from the balcony, walking into the kitchen where he was pouring out a thick red liquid into a shallow serving dish beside a still steaming roll of delicious smelling bread. Aloy’s mouth watered and she leaned over the counter to examine what she originally assumed was some kind of soup, and wrinkled her nose in confusion as she realized the dish was cold.  
  
“What is this?” She asked, peering up at Nil through the steam rising off the loaf.  
  
“Gazpacho,” he said, sprinkling a mix of herbs and vegetables on top of the bowl. “Are you familiar?”  
  
Aloy shook her head. “No, I don’t think I’ve ever had it…” The dish seemed like a salad smoothie to her, and her gut twisted over on itself as it battled between hunger and confusion.  
  
Nil nodded as if this wasn’t news to him. “My mother used to make it for me when I was younger. Its good for hot days,” he explained, gesturing for Aloy to follow him out of the kitchen to a small wood table in front of the living room window. Several pillows were scattered around the low platform, and Nil gestured for her to take a seat as he placed the bowls along the table.  
  
He returned a few moments later carrying the freshly sliced and oiled bread, and she shifted forward on the pillow to snatch a piece from the plate over his hand, munching hungrily. Nil smiled at her warmly, taking his seat and dipping a piece of the bread into his bowl, sweeping up a heavy pile of minced vegetables from the red mixture.  
  
Aloy mimicked him, scooping her own piece of bread through the bowl and raising it to her face. A variety of flavors mingling together melted over her tongue, the blended vegetables combining with a savory crunch of bread at the end. She savored the taste, eyes closed for a moment before sighing at Nil across the table. His face was relaxed into a warm, comfortable smile as he appraised her reaction to the dish.  
  
“Do you like it?” He asked, bringing another bite to his mouth. Aloy nodded fervently and his smile widened, seemingly pleased with himself. “Good, then why don’t I start?”  
  
Aloy’s stomach curled nervously, but she nodded at him, swallowing another mouthful of food. He tapped pensively at his chin for a moment, chewing his food slowly before speaking. “Alright, tell me about your work. Is it a day job or a passion? You’re very good at it.”  
  
_‘Oh, good. Starting easy.’_ Aloy relaxed visibly, replying almost immediately. “I’ve worked there for my whole life, basically. It’s my mom’s shop. Kinda,” she explained, trying to think of the right way to word her explanation. “Rost, my dad, he opened it in her honor after she died. She really loved flowers and so does he. As soon as I was old enough to sort flowers he had me working there, on the weekends and after school.”  
  
Nil nodded thoughtfully. “I see. I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s passing,” he said, but there was something off about the way he said it. Maybe he was so used to death, it was difficult now for him to produce the correct emotional response. Aloy wasn’t bothered, though.  
  
“It’s fine. I never really knew her,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. “She died giving birth to me. Some kind of complication or whatever. Rost doesn’t talk a lot about it.”  
  
“It must be difficult to grow up in a place of mourning though,” Nil offered, his face pensive.   
  
_‘You have no idea,’_ Aloy thought. Growing up in her mother’s shadow had been tough, but not in the way Nil envisioned. She decided this was probably for the best. “It was fine,” she said instead.  
  
“My mother died when I was young as well,” Nil replied, smoothing his napkin out absent mindedly.   
  
“Oh,” Aloy said, lost for words. She hated when people consoled her over her own mother’s death, and so being in the opposite position was disorienting for her. Did normal people expect words of comfort? She didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t sound hollow.  
  
“It was a long time ago,” Nil explained, his face unreadable. “Gang violence.”  
  
Aloy’s heart dropped, and she swallowed the bite of food in her mouth hard. “Oh fuck Nil, I’m so sorry. Jesus I must seem like an asshole,” she stuttered, thinking of how she had treated him their first meeting.  
  
He held up a hand to her, an attempt at pacification. “Aloy, I know what I look like. It’s a complicated story,” he said, silver eyes shadowed by his heavy lashes. “For another night, I think.”  
  
Aloy nodded, and he gave her a reassuring smile over the table. “Your turn.”  
  
In an attempt to salvage the mood, she started easy. “Favorite color,” she asked, taking another large bite out of her bread.  
  
Nil laughed, his face breaking into a genuine smile. “Red,” he answered, tugging at the loose scarf he wore around his neck. “A perk of being a mortician, I suppose, is getting to see my favorite colour every day.”  
  
“Eew,” Aloy jeered, making a face. “That’s so morbid, Nil.” But the reproach was empty and they continued their meal, more at ease after the initial disturbance.  
  
They went back and forth easily after that, asking simplistic and occasionally silly questions. Favorite bands, books, seasons and other trivial preferences were discussed. Nil enjoyed the fall, murder mysteries and enjoyed a wide range of music, though he admitted he would listen to almost anything with guitar. Aloy preferred spring, fantasy serials, and music that had a consistent, complex bassline. They shared childhood memories, Nil laughing at Aloy’s confession of routine playground violence, and Aloy smiling fondly at his memories of reading high up in the attic of the funeral home, staring out through stained glass windows.  
  
He had an easy way of speaking, and he offered smiles often, but there was something guarded about him too. He didn’t enjoy talking about work, and he seemed melancholy when Aloy spoke of her life at home. Overall, he had an odd way about him that seemed to contrast with the culture of the city; he wasn’t soft-spoken by any means, but there was a way that he related information that felt smooth to Aloy. They sat at the table long after the food was finished and the sky outside grew dark.  
  
Sometime in the evening Nil retrieved a set of records, letting Aloy pick out which seemed most interesting to her, and they lay out in front of the speakers along the far side of the living room wall. Aloy’s stomach flittered with butterflies as the low intonations of the record vibrated the floor below her. They lay opposite one another, their bodies creating a neat line along the floor from where the tips of their heads touched along the front of the stereo. The conversation had died down somewhat but the silence was comfortable, Nil’s voice carrying lightly over to Aloy’s ears as he hummed along to the melody of the song playing over them.  
  
Aloy sighed and Nil hummed questioningly against her, pushing his body up slightly so they their temples touched. “Feeling alright?”   
  
Aloy nodded, head brushing against his lightly. “Yeah, this is nice. I can’t remember the last time I hung out with someone and things were so relaxed,” she said twisting her body so that she lay on her side facing him.  
  
He rolled over in turn to look at her, their faces separated by a shallow distance. The curls atop his head swung lightly over his forehead, and Aloy suppressed the urge to reach out and tug on one, just to see if it would bounce. “I know what you mean,” he lamented, something akin to sorrow shadowing his eyes. “Life can be very… complicated. Thank you, Aloy.”  
  
“For what?” She asked, tugging at the collar of her shirt as her hands struggled to fiddle with something in the heady space between them.  
  
“For bringing something beautiful into my life,” he murmured, and reached out his hand to where hers tangled along the front of her shirt. His fingers coaxed into the spaces between hers, lightly running under to her palm and relaxing her grip on her shirt.  
  
Aloy felt her breath stutter in her chest, surprised by the intimacy of the motion. He adjusted his weight, taking her hand into both of his own, turning it over and examining the curve of her fingers gingerly. It was strikingly similar to how he caressed the flowers in her shop whenever he came for his arrangements, and Aloy was overtaken by the significance of the similarities between the two actions. She was no gentle flower, and no one had ever treated her as such. Yet here was this man, delicately examining each of her digits with a reverent concentration that seemed meant for only the most exquisite of items.  
  
He met her eyes, watching her reaction from under his heavy lashes, and opened his mouth to speak before a buzzing across the room caught Aloy’s attention. Her brain struggled to connect the sound for a moment before she rapidly rose to a sitting position, her hair standing on end along the back of her neck. “Oh my god. That’s my phone. Oh shit, what time is it?!”  
  
She skittered to where her shoulder bag sat along the counter and felt her stomach jump into her chest and then fall out into her feet. The lock screen of her phone read 9:08pm and was filled with notifications of missed calls and texts. “Oh fuck.”  
  
“Is something wrong?” Nil had risen behind her, turning the volume on the stereo down low and walking over to stand a respectful distance behind her.   
  
“God, its my… my dad,” she spluttered, panic constricting tightly in her throat. “I’m out past curfew, and I forgot to check in. There’s probably an Amber alert out for me right now.”  
  
Nil made an odd humming noise behind her, and Aloy turned to see him with a strange smile on his face. “Ah, so you do have a phone.”  
  
“Not the time, Nil,” Aloy said curtly, her cheeks turning red. She had multiple messages from Rost, Varl and Erend, each ranging from ‘where are you?’ to ‘call home immediately’. She let out a slow, shaky breath and dialed Rosts’s number, her stomach twisting as it rang.  
  
“Aloy!” His voice was rough over the phone, and she felt the hard point of guilt twist in her stomach. “Are you alright? Where are you?”  
  
“I’m fine, I’m sorry, I…” Aloy turned to Nil, her eyes pleading. “I ran across an old friend from school while on a delivery. We were catching up and I totally lost track of time. You know how they always keep the lighting the same in those new age coffee shops so you don’t know what time it is.”  
  
“Damn those new age coffee shops…” Rost mumbled over the phone, voice sounding more relieved. “Metropolitan punks trying to trap customers. Are you coming home now? Do you need Erend to come pick you up?”  
  
Aloy frowned, unsure of how to answer. On one hand, she had no desire to take the bus back to their home, but on the other hand if Erend came to pick her up, he would quickly realize her lie. Beside her, Nil grabbed her arm gently. “I’ll take you?” He mouthed silently to her, and the resulting wave of gratitude was immense.  
  
“No, it’s fine, my friend offered to drive, I’ll be home soon,” she said, shooting Nil a grateful smile. He nodded passively, gathering their used dishes and placing them into the sink for washing as she pacified Rost and said her goodbyes. After she clicked the phone off, she smiled sheepishly at Nil. “Shit, I’m sorry Nil, I’ve completely overstayed my welcome.”  
  
He shook his head at her and stepped closer. “Not at all, Aloy. I’ve had a wonderful evening,” he said, holding out his hand to her. “Shall we?”  
  
She smiled, gingerly placing her fingertips over his palm. He led her out down the stairs and to his car, holding the door for her and everything. Her chest and stomach buzzed happily, and he indulged her on the car ride home by passing her his aux cord, pushing her over the edge between content and downright impressed. He even seemed to approve of her music choice, asking questions about the band. When they arrived at her house, she smiled sheepishly and fumbled with her shoulder bag before turning to get out.  
  
“Thanks again, Nil… I haven’t had this nice of a night since-“ she paused, swallowing hard. Had she ever had a nice night like this? “Well, a while. I owe you one for driving me home. And dinner too, I guess.”  
  
Nil shook his hand dismissively. “Not at all, Aloy, the pleasure was mine,” he said, pulling her hand up and placing his lips lightly on the top. She blushed furiously, nodding in response to his chivalry. “I’ll see you soon?”  
  
“Yeah,” she agreed, swiping a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’ll text you.”  
  
A group was waiting for her as she entered the front door to the house, Rost standing immediately from his chair in the living room. “Aloy!” His face was set in a chastising scowl but she could see that his eyes were soft with relief.   
  
“Rost, I’m so sorry, I lost track of time,” she said, hanging her bag over the hook next to the door and stepping forward to greet him. “I didn’t mean to worry you.”  
  
“Yeah well it’s a little late for that,” came Erends voice, stepping out from the kitchen. “He was so damn worried he nearly had me put the vanguard out on patrol for you. Again.” His face was serious but also tired, like he too was exasperated with Rost’s paranoid nature.  
  
Aloy pushed down a scowl, trying to fight back her indignation. “Look, I’ve done nothing but my best for as long as I can remember. This is the first time in forever that I was out past curfew and it wasn’t even that late,” she argued, keeping her face even as she crossed her arms. “I’m sorry I worried you, I really am, but I don’t think this is all necessary every time I’m a little late coming home.”  
  
“Aloy, have you forgotten all the threats those criminals have made against you?” Rost countered, his face stony. “I know you’re technically an adult now, but if you want to have all these freedoms you need to be more responsible with making sure that you’re being safe.”  
  
“What did I do that wasn’t safe?!” Aloy spat back, angry now. Why was he being so aggressive about this? “I met up with a friend and lost track of time. I didn’t go cliff diving with a motorcycle gang!”  
  
Erend rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, and Aloy finally noticed Varl in the corner of the room, frowning. Rost had probably wanted to know if he was with her, and when she hadn’t returned, had come to give his support. He stood and stepped forward between Aloy and Rost. “You guys are getting really heated okay? Everything is fine, nobody is hurt or in trouble-“  
  
Rost shook his head. “No, Varl. Everything is not okay. Aloy knows better than to just disappear!”  
  
“I didn’t. Disappear.” Aloy growled, taking a deep breath before turning to Varl and Erend. “Thank you, both of you, for your help. I’m sorry about all of the fuss, but I’m tired, and I’m going to bed.”  
  
“Aloy, we aren’t finished talking!” Rost said, stepping towards her.  
  
“You aren’t, but I am,” she countered, pushing past him to take the stairs to her room. He didn’t attempt to stop her, simply scowling up the stairs after her. The last thing Aloy heard before closing her door was Erend. ‘Yikes’, was all he said, and then Aloy’s face was in her pillow, groaning. She took a few steadying breaths before turning over, texting Varl an apology before getting into her pajamas.  
  
Aloy stared up at her ceiling for a few futile moments, steadying her breathing. She felt guilty, partly for being so absent minded and also for blowing up at Rost when he was only worried about her. She was just so sick of being set aside like an anomaly; never getting to live her own life outside of the shadow her mother’s life seemed to cast over her. She was dead nearly twenty years, when was it going to stop?  
  
Her phone buzzed next to her, Varl texting back that he was ok but she probably should try to make up with Rost. Aloy agreed, and stared at her phone for several more minutes before opening up her contacts. Nil’s number had been added weeks ago, she’d just never been able to think of the right thing to say. Now, as she laid on her bed in the aftermath of a simultaneously amazing and catastrophic evening, she felt like the only thing she could do was to text him.  
  
‘Hey’ She texted first, quickly following up with another message. ‘It’s Aloy.’  
  
Nil replied almost immediately, making Aloy smile. ‘Aloy. Are you alright?’  
  
She frowned, wondering if he had heard or seen anything that had occurred within the house after he dropped her off. She hadn’t been quiet, and neither had Rost. ‘Yeah, I’m ok. Tired and a little angry but ok. Did u get home safe?’  
  
‘Yes, home safe. Are you working tomorrow morning?’  
  
Aloy checked her shift list a moment before remembering that she had volunteered for the morning shifts indefinitely, pretending that she preferred them. ‘Yeah, I am. For basically the entire foreseeable future.’  
  
‘I see. Punishment? You don’t seem like a morning person.’  
  
‘No. Wanted to see u. Only ever saw u come in during mornings. Could I have been sleeping in??’  
  
‘Yes.’  
  
Aloy groaned, slamming her head against her pillow. ‘Why have I been taking morning shifts for the past month then. Ur the worst.’  
  
‘I’ll make it up to you.’ He messaged back, mysteriously.  
  
‘That’s so ominous??’  
  
‘The things that scare you are often the most worthwhile to try.’  
  
Aloy swallowed, heat rising to her cheeks. ‘Scare me? Is that what u think I think about u?’  
  
‘Maybe, maybe not. But I know you’re taking a risk.’  
  
Maybe that was what drew her to him. She’d lived her life so protected and hidden, maybe she needed something dangerous. The thought of it made her pulse quicken, and her fingers moved to type out her reply without even really thinking about it.  
  
‘I don’t want to regret not taking chances anymore’  
  
His reply was instantaneous  
  
‘Then don’t.’


	4. Hydrangea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Hydrangea; Heartfelt Emotions. Gratitude for acceptance and understanding_

Aloy sat impatiently at the front desk, tapping away at her phone and wishing the clock would tick faster. She was on morning shift still, since Rost was convinced it was Aloy’s way of trying to prove herself rather than a self-imposed Nil schedule, and he felt that her continued opening shifts would teach her discipline or some other nonsense. They had exchanged curt apologies in the morning, but Aloy didn’t really feel like either of them were sorry for anything. That was just the way things were; it wasn’t that her and Rost didn’t get along, but more so that they just had wildly conflicting opinions on how life should be lived. Aloy didn’t resent him at all for it; he was just a man of old honor. And she just wanted to live her life.  
  
Living her life right now meant texting Nil furiously as she neglected the stack of paperwork on the desk, laughing along with the flow of their conversation as they exchanged more little details about themselves. The welcoming bell chimed above the door, and Aloy groaned internally at the interruption until she recognized the familiar face.  
  
“Teb!” She exclaimed, reaching around the counter to pull him into a tight hug.  
  
His brown hair was fluffed up at the top, fashionably swooping back over his head. He smiled lightly at Aloy as they parted, his soft green eyes sparkling at her. Aloy and Teb had been friends ever since childhood, when she’d defended him against a group of schoolyard bullies who were trying to throw him into the school fountain. They’d played often after classes during elementary and middle school, Aloy serving as a measurement guide and fashion tester for Teb’s then-hobby of fashion design. Now, a well-known dressmaker, he still came into the shop often to pick up bridal arrangements and exchange news. Today, his face held a concerned note, and Aloy held her breath warily.  
  
“Aloy, I heard what happened yesterday from Erend,” he said, his face filled with understanding. “I’m glad to hear you’re okay. Are you and Rost on good terms?”  
  
Aloy shrugged, rubbing the back of her head. “I don’t know, same as usual I guess. There was a little bit of yelling,” she admitted, shrugging it off at the end. “But its alright, stuff happens. It was still a good day.”  
  
“I’m happy to hear it. Who did you run into that kept you out so late, anyway?” Teb asked, tilting his head to the side.  
  
Aloy hesitated, unsure of how to reply. On one hand, she knew Teb’s curiosity was innocent; he wasn’t looking to get any information out of her for idle gossip, he was probably just genuinely interested. On the other hand, Teb wasn’t one to take risks, so it was unlikely he would approve of Aloy’s choice. She was about to open her mouth to give some white lie to him about it being someone from another school she attended when the bell above the door sounded again.  
  
By some matter of twisted divine providence, Nil stepped through the front door, a café to-go cup in each of his extended hands. His eyes passed slowly between Aloy and Teb before his gaze settled on her, face relaxing into a warm smile.  
  
“Aloy, good morning. I hope you’ll find this chai to be agreeable,” he said, moving towards her and extending the cup in his left hand towards her. She remembered now; earlier that morning they had been comparing choices of beverages. Aloy had complained that coffee shops rarely got chai tea right, and she strongly disliked the taste of coffee, so it was difficult to get hot café drinks on the go. Unsurprisingly, Aloy could smell the scent of a black brew rolling out of Nil’s cup; he had expressed a fairly noncommittal preference for black coffee, more so for its energizing properties than its taste.  
  
A hot jolt of fondness rose up through her stomach at the kind gesture, and she wished fervently for a moment that Teb had chosen another morning to visit. Taking the cup from Nil, she cleared her throat and gestured between the two men. “Nil, this is my old friend Teb. He’s a dressmaker here in town. Teb, this is Nil, he’s…” Aloy trailed off, taking a drink of her tea before continuing. “A regular customer here, and a new friend of mine.”  
  
Teb nodded slowly, eyes moving up from where they rested on Nil’s tattoos. He was normally a skittish man, and Aloy could tell that Nil’s frightening outward appearance was not helping his already lackluster people skills. But Teb had an extraordinarily high regard for Aloy, and he trusted her opinion as gospel, and so he reached a slender hand out to Nil. “Its nice to meet you, Nil. What brings you to Meridian City?”  
  
Nil regarded Teb slowly, similar to how a predator might appraise an unfamiliar prey animal, and nodded to him cooly before stiffly shaking his trembling hand. Aloy noted with interest that Nil didn’t seem overly excited about touching Teb, and disengaged his hand as soon as the action could be considered polite.  
  
“Whats your business with Demeters?” Teb asked casually, smiling at Nil in his timid obliviousness.  
  
“Dead people,” Nil said, straight-faced.  
  
Aloy did her best not to laugh as Teb, against all odds, grew paler.  
  
“Nil runs a funeral home,” Aloy interjected, shooting Nil a chiding look. He smiled at her, eyes mischievous. “He’s been picking up his orders here for about the past month or so.”  
  
“Aloy makes the best arrangements in town,” Nil supplied, his eyes not leaving her even as he spoke to Teb. “I’ll have nothing but the best. You only get one funeral, after all.”  
  
“Oh! And only one wedding! Eer-, well, I mean hopefully!” Teb interjected, laughing awkwardly at the end. “I’ve got a pretty extensive order from a client of mine. Another floral themed wedding in spring, what a surprise.”  
  
Aloy snorted. “Yeah, a surprise. As if I haven’t done a billion floral spring weddings already,” she said, taking the order information from Teb as he handed his paper notes to her. “Whats the color scheme this time? Pink and white?”  
  
Teb and Aloy groaned simultaneously as her suspicions were confirmed, and she tutted her tongue looking over the details. “Well, at least it should be an easy order. Hows the dress coming?”  
  
“Oh, wonderful,” Teb said, his eyes shining. “The bride is very simplistic in her desires, so I have a lot of freedom to add some great details to the design. She keeps trying to insist to me that coral is an acceptable accent to pink, but otherwise it’s coming along wonderfully.”  
  
Nil seemed to grow bored of the conversation, wandering over to the display stand and tracing his fingers over the daily bouquets, his face calm as he regarded them. Aloy tried her best to be active in the conversation with Teb, but her eyes kept slipping over to watch him, dropping her pen at one point when he brought his lips up to a heavy peony, taking a deep breath and locking eyes with her. His hand rested gently under the main body of the petals, supporting them from beneath and running his thumb up over the edge of the blooms.  
  
“Oh, geez Aloy I’m sorry,” Teb said, his voice filtering back to Aloy’s ears. “Here I am just chatting away, and your friend here was so nice to bring you a hot drink and everything. I’ll get out of your hair.”  
  
Aloy turned sheepishly to him, smile apologetic. “I’m sorry Teb, I don’t mean to seem distracted. I’m still a little flustered after yesterday I guess. Didn’t sleep well,” she admitted, although she hadn’t spent as much time twisting and turning as she did texting Nil until far too late.  
  
Teb nodded understandingly nonetheless, smiling at her gently. “No problem, why don’t you just shoot me a text and we can catch up sometime later this week? I’ll see you soon about the arrangements anyway.”  
  
She nodded her agreement and they exchanged their goodbyes, Teb waving shyly to Nil as he exited the door, who gave another curt nod in response. Once gone, Nil rounded on Aloy, stepping up close to her and reaching out to fold his hand around her own. “Good morning,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand. “Is the chai satisfactory?”  
  
Aloy nodded. It was a little too sweet, a common symptom of many powder chais that the smaller shops used, but it wasn’t the worst she’d ever had. “Could be spicier,” she commented, taking another sip.  
  
Nil nodded, pulling out the notebook in his pocket and making a note. “Good to know. I’ll avoid that café in the future,” he said, dotting the tip of his pen against his tongue with purpose. Aloy shivered as the cherry red muscle bent around the tip, wetting it before use. An unfamiliar clenching in her gut followed the movement, and she cleared her throat before continuing.  
  
“Nil, that’s really not necessary. What if it was just a bad day for the barista or something?” She said, raising one eyebrow at him as he pushed the notebook into his jacket pocket. “No second chances, huh?”  
  
“The drink was not to your standards, why would I visit again?” He asked, sipping at his own cup indifferently.  
  
“Perfectionism can make people really unhappy.”  
  
He smiled at her in response, unrebuffed. “Perfection is unattainable,” he corrected, pushing a stray hair out of her face. “That is what makes people unhappy. For me, the pursuit of perfection is the best way to find excellence.”  
  
Aloy couldn’t find a way to argue with him. She scrunched her nose up all the same, annoyed at him being right. Nil’s smile widened, his eyes warm as he looked over her scowling countenance. “You’re very cute when you scowl like that,” he commented, hand finding hers again. “What are you doing after work today?”  
  
“I have class right after my shift,” Aloy replied, melting a little as his thumb worked slow little circles over the top of her hand. “Biology and Calculus,” she elaborated, sticking her tongue out.  
  
“Interesting subjects,” Nil commented absently, his mind focused elsewhere. “I wasn’t aware you were pursuing a degree. What’s your focus?”  
  
Aloy shrugged, embarrassed. “I don’t really know yet. I just know I don’t want to push around flowers for the rest of my life,” she replied, lips pursed. “My mom was kind of a bigshot in the science world, so I don’t necessarily want to do the exact same thing as her, but I really like learning about the natural world. The way things work is really interesting, you know?”  
  
“I understand,” Nil hummed, face sincere. “Living in the shadow of someone else can be difficult. But that shouldn’t prevent you from pursuing your passions.”  
  
“I don’t really know how to do that,” Aloy admitted, her gaze hard on Nil’s face. “Pursue something I’m passionate about, that is. I’m not sure if I’ve ever even really felt passionate about one thing in particular. Lots of things, maybe, but nothing I can condense into a degree.”  
  
“Then don’t get a degree,” Nil replied, as if the solution was that easy.  
  
Aloy sighed stepping back away from Nil and plopping down on the stool in front of the counter, laying her chin against her palms. All she had ever really wanted in life was to live normally, and so much of her adolescence had passed by that such a goal seemed monumentally difficult now. Not that she wasn’t willing to try, but how was she to go out and live the world when Rost called the cops if she was 15 minutes past curfew getting home? She bit back another bitter sigh, wishing abjectly that she could have more freedom to live her life.  
  
“I guess I’m just passionate about living,” Aloy decided, focusing her eyes back on Nil. He was watching her intently, and Aloy tried not to feel over-examined under his penetrative gaze. “Err, what I mean is… Life, you know? Helping people and having amazing experiences and exploring the world. I want to live. I want to help others live, too. Not just exist, but I mean really experience their life to the fullest.”  
  
Nil’s face was shadowed, his lips drawn into a taut line. The expression was similar to that which Aloy had seen the night before, when she had asked Nil to talk abut work. It was melancholy, but also constricted somewhat, like he was biting his tongue very hard.  
  
“Umm… is that weird?” Aloy pressed, unsure how she could have possibly said something to offend him.  
  
His face twisted through several crooked emotions before settling on an uneasy smile. “No. Just pondering the parallels of our lives, I suppose.”  
  
Aloy scrunched her nose at him for a minute before bursting out in loud, raucous laughter. “Oh shit Nil, I’m sorry. I forgot that you’re like the grim reaper,” she wheezed as he scowled at her.  
  
"That's a bit of an exaggeration," he replied darkly, making Aloy laugh even harder at his contradictory countenance.  
  
She took a few moments to catch her breath before leaning over the counter towards him, her eyes bright with humor. “Well, maybe we can learn a little about life together then,” she said. His eyes lit up and Aloy recoiled inwardly almost immediately at the forwardness of her comment. She leaned away from the edge of the counter in an attempt to backpedal out of the awkward advance but Nil met her halfway before she could finish her retreat, grasping onto her hands.  
  
Nil didn’t seem offended; he was smiling, and Aloy smiled back, her stomach filling with an uncomfortable amount of butterflies. “I’d like that,” he murmured, his silver eyes seeming warm in the yellow spring light of the flower shop. “Let’s start today.”  
  
Aloy’s chest clenched and then released suddenly, as if a knot had unfurled around her heart. Nil’s face was open and genuine, and his admiring gaze made her feel special and important; different from how others made her feel set aside from everyone else. It was good. On an impulse she reached forward and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face into his neatly pressed shirt. It smelled clean, but also had a strange musky scent that was uniquely Nil. She felt a hum echo through his chest and he enclosed her in his arms, reaching one hand up to brush her hair back from her forehead to rest his chin there.  
  
They stayed intertwined there for a moment, Aloy sighing happily as Nil’s fingers played lightly with the hair that curtained down her back. The hair at the edge of his chin scratched against her forehead, making her laugh at the odd sensation.  
  
“What’s so funny?” Nil murmured, his face still pressed against her forehead.  
  
She laughed a little harder, shaking her head. “Your facial hair. It feels weird,” she said, lifting her head to look at him.  
  
Nil smiled mischievously, his eyes glinting. “Oh? Like this?” He said, pushing his cheek against her forehead again and rubbing it around. Aloy squealed, laughing harder now and pushing back against his prickly onslaught. He smiled, a low chuckle escaping his throat and Aloy felt struck by the enormous swell of affection that pushed around in her chest. He was so beautiful, his unique silver eyes alight with humor and the rugged lines of his face skewed into a crooked smile, exposing a line of sharp white teeth. His lips were full and an attractive reddish pink, chapped slightly at the edges, and Aloy was overcome with the sudden desire to kiss him. As if sensing this, his eyes locked on hers hungrily.  
  
Aloy’s heart pounded, frightened at the sudden impulse and she stepped backwards, shuffling awkwardly out of the intimate embrace. Nil’s posture remained soft, allowing her to gather her breath as she stumbled out of the charged atmosphere, but his eyes retained that covetous look and he licked his lips unconsciously.  
  
“Screw Bio. Fuck Calc too,” Aloy said suddenly, and Nil’s eyebrows raised at her questioningly. “I can miss a day, it’s college anyway. I’ll meet you after I get off work?”  
  
Nil’s smile widened. “No need. I’ll be here as soon as the clock strikes,” he replied, eyeing his watch with a calculative look. “Best to get back to work before then, though.”  
  
Aloy nodded and tried not to feel too disappointed that he would be leaving _. ‘Don’t be ridiculous, you’re gonna see him in a couple hours anyway,’_ she thought to herself, chastising the needy feeling. He gave her one last lingering smile before ducking around the door, leaving Aloy with her stack of papers. She sighed, feeling light on her feet and set herself to her task, sipping at her now lukewarm chai. If she was going to get away with going out after work again she would need to get at least a fair chunk of her paperwork finished. She worked uninterrupted for maybe a half hour before her mind began to wander, as did customers into her shop. Shortly before her lunch, her phone buzzed in her pocket and she swiped forward, smiling as Nil’s name appeared on her screen.  
  
‘Check the bottom of your cup.’  
  
Aloy liften the cup above her head to peer at the bottom. “Ah!” She exclaimed disbelievingly, ripping off a lightly tacked sticky note underneath the cup’s edge. “You sneaky bastard…” she hummed to herself, unfolding the note and smiling wildly.  
  
_‘My night has become a sunny dawn because of you.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh... thank you all for your support and comments/kudos. I didn't expect this to be so popular, and I'm so grateful for your love! Sorry for not posting this chapter sooner, I was understandably compromised by the Sony E3 presentation. Fingers crossed for HZD2 next year, haha... ;;


	5. Tulips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Tulip; A declaration of Love_

The day was fair, not overly warm but clear-skied with a light breeze that passed over the grass with a gentle caress. The light sounds of laughter and chatter filtered through the air as families, couples and friends roved up and down the green hills throughout brightmarket park. Aloy and Nil sat comfortably atop a patterned blanket, munching on a light lunch which Nil had packed for the two of them, much to Aloy’s delight. The creamy eggsalad squished around within the bread of their sandwiches, dripping out occasionally on Aloy’s fingertips as she greedily devoured the treats.  
  
Nil was passive in his meal, eating slowly and closing his eyes occasionally to chew and let the sun dapple warm spots onto his face as the leaves of the trees above them cast irregular shapes along his reclined form. Aloy watched him curiously, admiring his ability to seem calm and collected in all situations, contrasting highly with her clumsy enthusiasm. Not that she was a complete mess; she was very precise when she wanted to be. But regality was the least of her concerns when presented with delicious free food.  
  
Aloy cleaned off the last of her sandwich bits from the tips of her fingers and leaned down closer to Nil, lifting a piece of dripping red watermelon to her mouth. He smiled at her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Good?” He asked, watching her face as she chewed happily on the fruit.   
  
“This is amazing, Nil,” Aloy replied, swallowing her bite of fruit and smiling wide at him. “You don’t have to feed me every time we hang out, you know. Not that I’m complaining.”  
  
“Do you like it?” Nil asked, his face plain.  
  
Aloy nodded. “Of course I do. I’m a college student, why wouldn’t I like free food and a reason to skip class?”  
  
He hummed, smiling as she placed another bite of watermelon into her mouth. “Well, I didn’t make this lunch for any college student. I made it so that you would be happy.”  
  
“Well, consider your goal met,” Aloy said, leaning her head down against the grass and reaching her hand out for him to hold. “Nil, I need to talk to you about something.”  
  
“Of course,” he said without hesitation.  
  
Aloy bit her lip, picking at the grass with her hand that wasn’t entwined with his. “I’m not very experienced with… stuff like this. Like dates and stuff,” she said, her face hot with embarrassment. “I mean, I don’t even really know how you feel about me, but I feel like I need to let you know that this means a lot to me.” She kept her gaze on him, keeping her breath steady against all odds as her heart beat against her chest precariously. “You mean a lot to me.”  
  
Nil’s thumb rubbed gently against the top of her hand, his gaze serious. “I too am unexperienced with romance,” he admitted, much to Aloy’s surprise. “But I know that when I first laid eyes on you, I wanted to give you everything you deserved and more. You are such a beautiful radiant light, Aloy, the likes of which I have never seen in my dark life.” Nil trailed off for a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts before continuing. “I’m a man of action, and I do what I need to so that I can get what I want. I know this is not the way of romantic endeavors, but I have never needed someone so much as I desire you now.”  
  
The heavy intent of his words hung in the air as Aloy struggled to reply, her throat squeezed tight with emotion. She was accustomed to being coveted, protected, sought out. Normally such bold statements of intent would be regarded with caution and retreat, since Rost had taught her from a young age to be wary of strangers; especially those who were men with the frightening tattoos of the carja shadow gang. But coming from Nil such a declaration of longing made her feel fearsome and powerful, not like a small delicate girl needing to be shielded from her pursuer. In a way, he was admitting that she had power over him, something Aloy was completely unaccustomed to.  
  
The feeling emboldened her, and she reached up to touch Nil’s face, exploring the unfamiliar scratchy texture of his hard jawline then reaching up to circle a finger around one of his dark curly locks. He closed his eyes, and Aloy felt warm and protective at the sight of his relaxed face easing into her touch as her fingers roamed across his skin. She swallowed, focusing on keeping her hands still against him even as some treacherous energy grew in her chest, urging her forward and making her feel clumsy. Delicately, she ran her thumb over the flesh of his lips, and his hand flashed forward, catching hers. Aloy held her breath as his eyes locked onto hers, heat pooling into her belly, making her heartbeat thump at an agonizing pace. Nil pressed his lips into her thumb to kiss the digit softly, then moved to the top of her hand, then her wrist and her forearm, trailing his way closer to her.  
  
Aloy was trapped, ensnared by a sharp feeling of pleasure as his lips moved along the skin of her exposed arms. Nil moved the top sleeve of her shirt aside to plant a firm kiss against the top of her shoulder, and the action was so intimate that Aloy shuddered outside of her control, a fresh wave of heat coloring her cheeks and making her squirm under his luxurious grasp. He was so close now, she could feel the movement of his breath against her neck, and she moved her head instinctively, exposing her skin to him. She heard him hiss under his breath, and he moved backwards, making Aloy squirm from the lack of proximity.  
  
“Aloy,” he breathed, his voice heavy with an unfamiliar intonation. She hummed in response and he licked his lips, seeming to focus hard on his breathing. “When do your classes normally end?”  
  
Her heart picked up its pace again, immediately sensing the implication of his question. She didn’t bother to check the time. “Not for a couple hours more, at least.”  
  
Nil nodded, eyes darting to the heavy pulse at her neck for a moment before responding. “I think our time at the park has run its course,” he noted, an unspoken suggestion in his voice.  
  
“I agree,” Aloy countered, rising to a crouch next to him. “It must have taken some effort to prepare such a nice picnic though. Won’t you let me help you clean up?”  
  
His eyes lit in surprise and recognition of her proposal, and after a heartbeat he flashed his teeth in a feral smile. “That’s very kind of you, Aloy.”  
  
“It would be my pleasure.”  
  
The picnic items were hastily packed and tossed into the back of Nil’s smooth black car, Aloy practically vibrating with excitement in the passenger seat as he put the car into gear. Her hands fidgeted in her lap, a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. She was following her gut, somewhat, which is what everyone had always taught her to do. The problem seemed to lie in the fact that her gut was simultaneously yelling at her to run towards and away from Nil. He was a predator, smooth in his movements with sharp teeth that threatened to rip her apart. He was dangerous. But Aloy was a predator too, she countered to herself. The problem was that everyone had always taught her to run, despite equipping her with an extensive ability to fight. She was sick of running. Aloy wanted to fight.  
  
As if sensing her tension, Nil didn’t bother with the pretense of even bringing in any of the picnic supplies from the trunk. He and Aloy rushed up the stairs to his apartment, bodies pulled taut with anticipation.  
  
Nil pushed through the door and Aloy closed it tightly behind them, both freezing as the noise from the city outside cut from the space, leaving just the quiet sound of their heavy breathing. He was turned towards her, filling the space between the door and the rest of the apartment, a gatekeeper of sorts. Aloy realized with a start that he was hesitating, letting her make the choice to leave if she wanted to. She nodded her head in response to his unspoken question, and he stalked slowly towards her, reaching one hand above her shoulder to the door behind her.  
  
The lock clicked into place with a noise of finality and Aloy inhaled sharply.  
  
His mouth crashed into hers and Aloy released a muffled noise, reaching out to fist her hands in the front of his shirt in an attempt to ground herself against the wash of emotions as their lips connected. Nil’s mouth was hot, moving roughly against hers as she struggled to pull him closer, her back pressed firmly against the wood of the door behind them. His left hand had grasped against her waist, thumb resting against the hard point of her hip bone and fingers pressing firmly against the plush swell of the skin above it. Aloy’s entire body felt hot, but where Nil connected to her she felt scorching, a line of goosebumps running down the side of her body as Nil moved his other hand from the doorframe and down to cup her cheek.  
  
The space around them was electric, coursing through their bodies as they countered one another in their movements. Aloy would step forward, pushing her body into Nil’s while he simultaneously grappled with her hips, digging his fingers in with such ferocity that Aloy whimpered with the pleasure of his pressure.   
  
She remembered to breathe again as he disengaged from her mouth to pepper her neck with kisses. Her hands tugged aggressively at his shirt as she attempted to pull him closer and he responded with a hungry growl, his sharp teeth nipping into her neck as the hard line of his body pressed against hers. Aloy’s chest shuddered, the hot energy that was building inside of her released against her will in a low breathy moan from her lips as Nil’s tongue ran over the peppered skin of her neck, making the muscles in her legs tighten and shiver. The effect on Nil was immediate, and he reared back to capture her mouth again, biting against her bottom lip with a ferocity that left Aloy breathless despite Nil’s merciful opportunity for her to catch her breath. She opened her mouth in response and he swallowed her moan, his tongue wrestling against hers for dominance as they pushed against eachother, hands grappling for purchase against the sheer fabric of their light spring clothes.  
  
The tension broke as Aloy’s legs buckled, her entire body shivering as the tips of Nil’s fingers brushed up underneath the hem of her shirt. He pulled his head back, his hungry eyes searching her face before leaning down to scoop her up in his arms. Aloy tensed uncertainly at first, unaccustomed to the feeling, but relaxed quickly in his grasp as he pressed a wet kiss to her forehead, moving her away from the heavy atmosphere of the doorway towards the living room, where he settled her carefully on the couch. She wrapped her arms around him, reveling in the solid warmth of his body as the anticipation of the moment faded slowly until it was nothing but a slow simmer in Aloy’s stomach. Nil continued to press light kisses against her forehead, his free hand on the swell of skin where her abdomen connected her chest and hips, moving in slow calm circles.   
  
Aloy sighed, her body feeling warm and light, a pleasant buzzing sensation playing along the edge of her senses as she listened to the muted sounds of the city outside the expansive front window. She pulled her head back to look at Nil, and he greeted her with a light kiss at the tip of her nose, smiling down at her as she stuck her tongue out at him. He brushed her hair out of her face, cradling the edge of her cheek gently as he lifted her chin to place a few more soft kisses against her lips. The motion was so full of tenderness that Aloy’s heart ached, a feeling of longing for something that she couldn’t exactly place swelling in her chest.  
  
They stayed locked  like that for some moments more until Nil moved to shift them into a more comfortable position, Aloy moving her gaze towards the window across from them. A light spring rain had started outside, and the droplets pattered soothingly against the balcony outside the front window, speckling the light concrete with splotches of gray. The potted plants outside shuddered against the droplets, waxy leaves discarding the rivulets of rainwater off and into the thirsty earth around their roots. Aloy hummed thoughtfully and Nil pressed his cheek against the top of her head, reclining them back so she lay back against him, his arms encircling around her.  
  
“I like that you keep all these plants,” Aloy said, looking around the apartment at the various greenery. Nil had plants of all varieties; some succulents, a few ferns, some vining plants that crawled along shelves and strings hung from the ceiling, even a few small clipped trees.  
  
“Which is your favorite?” He hummed back, playing with a strand of her hair between his fingers.  
  
Aloy took a moment to examine the room, eyes combing over each of the pots and cups and baskets. She settled after a moment on a tall, snaking plant in the corner. It looked old, like it had been growing for many years, and its tallest stalk crawled up into the ceiling more than ten feet, by Aloy’s estimate. She liked the idea of a younger Nil, tending to the small plant, nurturing it until it outgrew even him in height. “That one,” she said, pointing a lazy hand in the direction of the plant.   
  
“That is one of my favorites as well,” he said, tightening his arms around Aloy and placing his cheek against hers, his facial hair tickling her as he spoke. “My father gave me that when I moved into this apartment, about seven years ago. It was about a third of that height when I first placed it in that corner.”  
  
“Must be cool to see it grow like that,” Aloy commented absentmindedly. The idea of Nil moving out as soon as he turned eighteen bothered her for some reason. Maybe it was because Rost had always cared for her, making it obvious that he expected her to move out only when she was completely ready. Wrinkling her nose, she wondered to herself whether it was her or Nil who was the weird one.  
  
“What’s it like? Living alone and running your own business and stuff,” Aloy asked, closing her eyes and focusing on Nil’s breathing behind her.  
  
“It can be… stressful. I do not think I am the best person to ask such a question,” he admitted, and Aloy wished she could see his face to gauge his reaction. He was always so melancholy when talking about work, she wondered if being around death so much made him sad. She ran her hand over his arm, mimicking the comforting motion he sometimes used with her, hoping it would relax him.  
  
They spent the next hour or so sharing about their lives. Nil talked about the kind of tasks he performed at the mortuary and seemed surprised at Aloy’s apparent interest. She asked questions when appropriate and expressed appreciation for the delicate work Nil performed, however gruesome it was. In turn, Aloy talked about work at the flower shop and training at the local dojo in her spare time.  
  
“You might have to show me a thing or two sometime,” Nil said, sounding less sincere than he probably intended to. Aloy wrinkled her nose, wondering if her stories of fighting boys twice her age made it seem like she was showing off.  
  
“Oh? Well, I wouldn’t want to hurt you…” Aloy teased, causing Nil to scoff behind her. “I’ve been training since I was like five. The two burly women who run the center are like my moms, and although they won’t admit it I think we’re pretty evenly matched.”  
  
“Fighting in a dojo is different than being face to face with someone who actually wants to hurt you, though. It’s good to remember that,” Nil commented, and Aloy felt a flush of indignation. It sounded similar to something that Rost would say to her, which made her squirm uncomfortably.  
  
“Yeah, well I think I know more about that than you do,” she shot back hotly. “You don’t exactly know what I’ve been through. I think my life might be a little more dangerous than yours.”  
  
“Are you sure about that?”  
  
Aloy sobered almost immediately, his tone taking her off guard. She sat up and turned her body to look at him and was surprised to see the shadowed expression he wore. “No, I guess I’m not,” she admitted, trying not to focus on the dark black circles carved below his eyes.  
  
“Aloy…” Nil trailed off, sitting up on his forearms below her. “You’re Elisabet Sobeck’s daughter, aren’t you?”   
  
A pit opened up in Aloy’s stomach and she swallowed hard and nodded, her hands twisting into the front of his shirt anxiously. His face was serious. “And you’re still here, despite how I look? Aloy they don’t just give out these tattoos to anyone.”  
  
“Don’t start that, Nil,” Aloy cut in, her voice rough. “What are you going to say, that you’re dangerous or some other bullshit?”  
  
“I am dangerous, Aloy,” Nil cautioned. “I think you’ve always known that.”  
  
“What was the first thing you said to me? That I don’t have anything to fear from you unless I’m a member of the shadow carja. What has changed? Nothing about me, that’s for sure.”  
  
Aloy stared hard at Nil, but his expression remained unchanged, melancholy and anxious. Finally, he released a long breath through his nose and unclenched his jaw. “You’re right. I don’t mean to be presumptuous Aloy.”  
  
“What is that supposed to mean?” She demanded, her brows furrowed.  
  
“I feel as though I would be harmed if anything were to befall you. I should do better than to assume you cannot take care of yourself.”  
  
She breathed a sigh of relief, some of her anger ebbing away at his concession. She laid her head back down on his chest and he folded his arms back over the top of her shoulders protectively. “I don’t think anything bad is going to happen to me,” she mumbled, the tension leaving her body as Nil’s hands worked slow paths along her upper back. “Those assholes have been chasing me for years, and I’ve never even done anything to them. They’re going to give up sometime. My mom is dead.”  
  
Nil made a noise of disagreement but said no more, continuing the slow motions of his hands. Aloy felt for a moment he might say something else, but after several minutes the muscles in his chest relaxed as he seemed to think better of it. This was fine, as far as Aloy was concerned. She didn’t need any more of her troubles intruding on the happy space they’d created, and after a while she scooted her body up closer, resting the bridge of her nose and forehead against Nil’s neck.  
  
The unspoken apology of the action was accepted as Nil pulled her closer, pressing a kiss into the top of her forehead. She hummed, kissing along his neck as he had done previously, causing him to jolt in surprise. Aloy laughed, peppering his neck with more kisses before he lifted her head and captured her lips against his, smiling into the embrace. She enjoyed the sweetness of the moment before pulling back and resting her forehead against the top of his.  
  
“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” she admitted, keeping her eyes closed to protect against her own embarrassment, although she still felt her cheeks warm with blush.  
  
“Never?” Nil questioned, pressing a quick kiss to her lips for emphasis.  
  
“Never.”  
  
“Hmmm,” Nil breathed, his arm around her back running a smooth motion down and up her spine. “Are you normally naturally gifted, Aloy?”  
  
She laughed, a quick bark of embarrassed energy. “Yeah, I mean, I don’t like to brag…” she said unconvincingly.  
  
Nil smiled at her, a feral thing, and smoothed back her hair again. “I want you to teach me everything you know someday,” he murmured, drinking in her features. “I’ll trade you for some of my own knowledge, how is that?”  
  
Aloy scoffed. “I don’t see why I would ever need to know how to prepare a dead body.”  
  
“You never know,” he mused jokingly, then shook his head. “No. Don’t be so one-track minded. I am more than my profession. Is all you know flower arrangement?”  
  
Aloy shook her head and Nil sat up, depositing her on the opposite side of the couch so he could get up. Her body tensed, confused at the loss of shared body heat as she watched him duck into an adjacent room. Brief sounds of rattling filtered out from the doorway, followed by the distinct noise of a wooden drawer of some kind closing. He came back around the corner with a leather bound journal in his hands as well as a blanket, which he wrapped around Aloy’s shoulders.  
  
“Open it,” he said, holding the journal out to her. She took the book from his hands, running her fingers over the supple leather a moment before unclipping the hook on the side which held the papers within from prying eyes. Each of the pages were rough cut, probably hand made by some kind of artisan, and Aloy noted with interest that the pages seemed imperfectly bound in groups of thirty or so, indicating that the skin of the journal could be reused if the pages were ever filled.  
  
A small gasp escaped her mouth as she opened the middle of the journal to display an expansive illustration of peonies, their delicate petals outlined in a light pencil and filled with splashes of watercolour. The next page held a similar illustration, this time deep purple chrysanthemums. Many of the pages were filled with flowers, but some also held light sketches of city scenes, people reading in the park, or mourners hunched over funeral pamphlets. Several pages contained small written notes or poems at the edges of the pages.  
  
She opened back up to the beginning and slowly made her way through the book, smiling at some pictures and frowning at others. Nil had an uncanny ability to capture emotion while leaving the facial structures of the people he drew vague. It was unsettling but also captivating, leading Aloy to stare at some pictures for longer than necessary. Halfway through Nil rose and boiled a kettle of water, bringing her a hot cup of chai which she graciously accepted. As she neared the end of the book the number of flowers increased dramatically, as well as Nil’s use of colour and his scribblings in the margin of the pages. Many were quotes she recognized from notes they had passed between each other, and she smiled as she connected them to the drawings Nil had made. Flowers, most of them, but also bright city scenes and illustrations of the sun.  
  
The last page was blank, but at the bottom left corner sat a block of text in Nil’s handwriting, and Aloy smiled despite herself. “I am homesick for a place I have never known,” she read aloud, scoffing at herself. “I don’t really think I knew what this meant when I wrote it.”  
  
Nil circled his arms around her, taking her teacup from her hands and moving it to the table next to them. “Do you think you know what it means now?” He asked, pressing his face against hers as she ran her fingers over the uneven texture of the writing.  
  
“Yeah, I think I do,” she decided, turning her head and accepting his kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hello that was a lot of kissing my dudes!   
> Also the story is half over at this point (I think) so the next chapter will be dropping the drama before we start the resolution of the fic!


	6. Begonia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Begonia; A warning for future misfortunes and challenges._

Spring was quickly turning to summer in Meridian, and a heavy warm breeze filtered through the open front door of Demeter’s Garden, weaving between the light metal bars of the door’s windchime.  
  
Aloy did her best to focus on the order forms in front of her, the kind gentleman at the front counter explaining the types of colors he wanted for his arrangement while she haphazardly scribbled in notes in the margins of his paperwork. Nil sat on a stool to her right, hidden away in a shadowed corner of the store. He was sipping a coffee and focusing his attention on her while he made neat swooping motions with his sketching pencils over a notepad on his lap, glancing up every few moments to stare hard at her before continuing. It set Aloy on edge, but in a giddy kind of way. Nil tended to have that effect on her; pulling her taunt like a hot wire, heating her into strange contorted shapes before she snapped into him, fierce and burning. Her face felt hot now as she imagined the analogy, and she shook her head in an attempt to refocus.  
  
The man at the counter mentioned something about daisies again and Aloy nodded her head politely, hoping that the notes she was making were at least somewhat comprehensible for when future her would have to deal with properly organizing his order. Rost was lucky she had been so diligent in following through with her arrangements as of late, since she doubted anyone else in the shop would be able to decipher her haphazardly compiled details. Varl had chided her earlier in the week, teasing her for having her head in the clouds, and try as she might Aloy couldn’t get nearly as mad as she wanted. He was right. She felt like she was walking on air since that day in the park with Nil, her heart always filled with excitement at the prospect of seeing him again, despite their time apart never stretching past a day or two. It was quickly becoming obvious to other people as well. In a rare act of carelessness, Vanasha sucker punched her two nights previous in the dojo after her mind wandered during training.  
  
Her trainers had immediately hones in on her weakness. They had been completely overbearing, but Aloy couldn’t find it within herself to be angry at them. She _wanted_ to talk about Nil, she just didn’t know how. Talanah had been somewhat exasperated, chastising her for being so unfocused, but a smile played along her lips even as she delivered the reproach. Vanasha made a game of forcing Aloy to tell her a detail about her mystery man each time she landed a hit on her, which was perhaps more often than Aloy wanted.  
  
A right hook into Aloy’s torso after Vanasha had dipped to the left, catching Aloy off guard with a fake-out. “So, how tall is he?”  
  
A disarming kick to the back of Aloy’s knee after she had over-extended a grab. “Is he older than you? How much more?”  
  
A, frankly, unfair headbutt after Aloy landed a fairly hard punch to Vanasha’s gut. “Does he have any hobbies? Pets?”  
  
Aloy sighed, frustrated at the line of questioning and the completely unrelenting force of Vanasha’s assault on her. Talanah laughed in the corner, tossing Aloy a slick water bottle as she took a break on the cushioned floor of the dojo. “What are you writing, a book report? Forensic analysis? This is ridiculous, I feel like I’m being interrogated,” Aloy huffed, gulping down the water through her sweat salted lips.  
  
Vanasha shrugged, unabashed. “I am interrogating you, little huntress. I want to make sure this man is worthy of you,” Vanasha announced, grabbing her own water bottle from Talanah. “Everyone in Meridian has heard whispers about you. Prodigy student, dangerous fighter, Sobeck daughter, delightful freckles... You even have a conscience! In this city? Extraordinary.”  
  
Aloy rolled her eyes, but a faint smile played on her lips nonetheless. “Yeah, okay, thanks, but he must not be from around here, because he doesn’t seem to know anything about me,” Aloy said, stretching her muscles in her lower back.  
  
Talanah frowned, exchanging a look with Vanasha. “Interesting. And you believe him?”  
  
“Well, yeah… I do,” Aloy replied, the smile fading from her lips. She remembered her suspicion of Nil that first day she met him, and her snooping into his business. That feeling of distrust felt far away now, but Talanah and Vanasha’s faces showed that this was far from how they felt. Was it so unusual that someone could move to the city and not know who she was? Maybe not. Nil’s tattoos suggested that he wasn’t someone who had just moved to meridian, though. Neither did his ownership of the funeral home, which according to him had been passed through the family.  
  
Vanasha and Talanah seemed to sense her hesitation, and they regrouped before changing tactics with her, asking for more details and encouraging her to get up and spar more, but the mood had already changed. Aloy’s stance became heavier, and Vanasha hit her less often. At the end of the night she felt stiff and tightly wound, more defensive than she usually did after training. She reasoned with herself in the shower afterwards, deciding that she had given Nil plenty of opportunities to hurt her so far, none of which resulting in anything other than a lovely evening. Her feelings of unease must have been misplaced. An automatic response from years of ingrained defensiveness. She let the hot water from the shower wash over her shoulders and focused on the negativity being sucked down the drain with it. In the morning, Nil brought her a cup of chai, and the remainder of the feeling disappeared with it.  
  
Now, as she bid the gentleman at the counter farewell, she turned to face him in the corner. Nil was focused intently on the paper in front of him, the retreat of the customer making no impression on him. Aloy weaved her way over to him, peering over his shoulder to examine his pencil strokes. He was working long wavy streaks down the page, and Aloy followed his strokes upwards as he connected them to a vaguely humanoid shape. It seemed to be an illustration of a woman, her long hair curling down over her shoulders and washing into some kind of roiling body of water below her.  
  
Aloy rested her chin on his shoulder and Nil tilted his head over to rest on top of hers. “Explain it to me,” she said, mesmerized by precise way his hand flowed over the paper, filling in gaps in the piece that Aloy couldn’t yet visualize. This was a common question, and Nil bared it with good humor.  
  
“Its you,” he answered without stopping, his pencil adding in texture to the waves at the bottom of the page.  
  
“Again?” Aloy asked, squinting harder at the page. It was harder to tell without color. Somehow his art always made more sense to her when he added the color.  
  
“Mmmhm,” Nil hummed, adding little splashes rising from the water up onto the woman’s feet. _‘My feet,’_ Aloy corrected herself, trying to place herself into the paper.  
  
Another gust of wind blew in through the front door, and a cheerful voice filtered into the shop with it. “Aayy-loy!”  
  
Aloy stood up straight, stepping out from behind the display case that Nil had positioned his stool behind, his shadowed form hidden in the far corner of the shop. Aloy had been lucky so far that day; none of her customers had so much given Nil a second glance, he blended in with he shadows so well. But there was no way she was getting out of this one unscathed.  
  
“Varl! You’re early,” she said, smiling as she spotted the object in his arms. “Oh shit, is that Mana?” He carried a heavy bag from their favorite local sushi restaurant, and Aloy’s stomach grumbled excitedly.  
  
Varl nodded, pleased with himself. “Oh, I’m sorry, am I intruding? You didn’t _want_ me to show up early with sushi? Oh my bad. Mm, very sorry, I’ll pop back in thirty.”  
  
Aloy laughed nervously, “No, oh man of course not, uhh... No, I just-” she stuttered, at a loss for how she was possibly going to hide Nil from Varl when he would have to walk past him in order to get in the back room to eat. “It’s so nice outside though, do you want to pull some chairs out front and eat there?”  
  
Varl pursed his lips, a dubious look on his face. “I dunno, did you wear your sunscreen today? Wouldn’t want you to get burnt from a few too long minutes in the sun. Hah!” He guffawed, stepping closer to Aloy. Her gaze flicked unintentionally to Nil, who was paying absolutely no attention to her panic at all, damn him.  
  
This exchange was not lost on Varl as he stepped forward, his face breaking out into a cheeky grin as his eyes slid off of Aloy’s panicked expression onto Nil, then back onto her. She had to attempt some kind of save. Think, Aloy! “Oh, phew, how could I be so silly! Uhh, Varl, this is Nil!”  
  
Varl’s shit eating grin was undefeated. If possible, he seemed empowered by Aloy’s weak attempt at saving the situation. “Prince charming, oh my goodness, I am so honored to meet you,” he crooned, eyes never leaving Aloy.  
  
Nil finally seemed to acknowledge the situation, briefly placing his attention on Varl. “Charmed. And you are?”  
_  
‘Oh my gooooooddddd’_ , Aloy screamed at herself, melting into the floor as Varl and Nil entered into a duel entirely with their expressions, neither moving. “This is Varl, I work with him here at the shop?” Aloy supplied, smiling desperately at Nil.  
  
He showed her no mercy. “Oh,” he said, returning his attention at the paper. Aloy briefly considered sucker punching him for the first time in her life, but her train of thought was broken by the sound of Varl’s warm laughter next to her.  
  
“Oh man, no wonder Aloy sat you in the corner, you’re a natural at throwin’ shade, huh?” Varl laughed, and Aloy released a breath she forgot she was holding. “That’s cool my dude but I’ve seen you on the cameras, I know you’re a big softie. Low-key respect for the commitment to the act though.”  
  
Nil seemed to understand he wasn't getting out of a social interaction and closed his sketchbook, rising to press a kiss into Aloy’s forehead, prompting Varl to release a low teasing note. “I’ll leave you to your lunch, my little poppy,” he said, dipping his head stiffly in an attempt at a polite gesture towards Varl.  
  
“Okay bye! Nice to meet you, Phantom Menace!” Varl called after him, to which Nil gave absolutely no indication of hearing. “Little poppy? What is up with that?! Are you his sweet little flower girl?”  
  
Aloy punched him hard in the shoulder but couldn’t help the smile playing on her lips. She knew it was exactly the same kind of teasing behavior she would give Varl if their positions were switched, and she couldn’t force herself to be mad at him for his arguably appropriate taunting.  
  
“You’re such a pain in my ass, Varl,” Aloy said, reaching forward to grab onto the to-go bag he was holding.  
  
Varl pulled the bag out of her grasp, holding a finger up to his pursed lips. “Oh? Well, then I suppose you won’t be wanting my food. I mean, what if I poisoned it or something?”  
  
“Uuuugghhhhh,” Aloy groaned, to which Varl laughed good-naturedly.  
  
“I’m just kidding, let’s sit down. What was doctor shadow doing in here anyway? He looked particularly sunny today,” Varl noted, passing Aloy a styrofoam container as they passed into the back room.  
  
“Sometimes he just comes to visit,” Aloy replied nonchalantly. She popped a salmon roll into her mouth and hummed appreciatively before continuing. “He draws a lot in his free time, and I guess I’m his muse lately.”  
  
“Oooh, how romantic,” Varl crowed, not at all seeming impressed. “Any news on your investigation into his tattoos and shady funeral business, or are we over that now that he wrote you some poems and doodled you in his sketchbook?”  
  
Aloy frowned, and her expression seemed to signal to Varl that he had overstepped. He assumed a more serious expression, chewing his roll slowly before continuing. “You know, I’m kinda teasing you but I’m also kinda not. What’s his deal, for real Aloy? Is he dangerous or what, because he kinda still gives me the creeps.”  
  
Nil’s voice filtered into the back of her mind. _“I am dangerous, Aloy. I think you’ve always known that.”_ She shoved down the foreboding feeling and shook her head. “That’s… difficult for me to answer Varl.”  
  
Varl shook his head theatrically, blinking several times at her. “ _Difficult?_ It’s a yes or no question Aloy, this isn’t hard. Is. He. Dangerous?”  
  
Aloy scowled at Varl, her mouth in a tight line. “Yes.”  
  
“Wha.. what? What?!” Varl scoffed, his mouth in an angry O. “The fuck you mean, ‘Yes’? Aloy this isn’t funny, honestly.”  
  
“I don’t think its funny either, Varl! Why are you suddenly acting like I can’t take care of myself?” She glowered, her own temper sparking up at his reaction. “This isn’t some crazy newsbreak, I thought you were on my side here!”  
  
“I didn’t know this was the kind of situation where I would have to take a side, Aloy!” Varl countered, his tone less angry and more exasperated.  
  
Aloy knew she should take a step back, breathe, and try to explain to Varl, but _damn_ she was so sick and tired of trying to justify her own happiness. His worrisome expression just served to make her angrier, and she closed the lid on her sushi abruptly, fumbling with how to respond. The rational side of her tried to encourage her to just explain the situation, but how could she? It sounded stupid even in her head. _‘Have you ever been in love, Varl? Ever met someone who just makes you feel alive?’_ God, what a perfect way to humiliate herself while proving absolutely nothing to anyone. There was absolutely no way she could express herself to Varl without sounding like a complete lunatic.  
  
“Thanks for the sushi and life advice, Varl, but I have to get to class,” she gritted, shifting her seat back and standing above him.  
  
He frowned, reaching his hand across the table to her. “Aloy, please. I’m just worried about you, we all are.”  
  
Aloy snatched her hand back away from him, voice cold as ice. “What do you mean, ‘all’?” She hissed, staring daggers at Varl. He stared at her for a long moment, but his mouth never moved. Aloy thought to the previous night at training, how Talanah and Vanasha had immediately jumped at the idea of a boy being the source of her thoughtlessness. She had attributed it to some kind of older woman’s wisdom at the time, but now…  
  
“I haven’t said anything to Rost, Aloy,” Varl interjected, drawing Aloy’s attention back to the moment. “I just didn’t want to keep it to myself. What if something happened? I needed to know if I was making the right decision.”  
  
“The right fucking decision is not betraying your friends trust, Varl. Who died and made you my personal guardian?” Aloy spat, completely at the end of her patience.  
  
“Your mother.”  
  
Aloy rolled on her feet, her heart stuttering in her chest. Rost’s looming form shadowed the doorway, his loosely flanneled arms crossed in front of him. He wrought his gaze down on Varl, who shrunk visibly under the thunderous pressure of his scrutiny. “I want to know what’s going on here, right now.”  
  
Aloy shot Varl a desperate look, her face simultaneously begging and threatening. He swallowed, looking between her and Rost for several moments before shaking his head. “That’s not my place Rost, sir,” he explained. Aloy barely had a moment to breathe before Varl raised his hand and gestured with his index finger to the computer screen on the desk a few feet away from him. “I think you and Aloy need to talk about it, instead.”  
  
Rost let out an even breath, the creases in his face creating angry chasms around his wiry beard. “Thank you, Varl. You may start your shift now.”  
  
Varl nodded, slinking past Rost as he moved aside in the doorway, avoiding eye contact with Aloy, who practically boiled in her seat. She and Rost shared a tense expression, both battling for dominance with their eyes. “Aloy. Erend will pick you up after class today,” he exacted, holding up a hand as she opened her mouth. “We’ll talk about this when I get home.”  
  
“A police escort, Rost? You don’t even know what’s going on!” Aloy fumed, standing now to face Rost. His face was unchanging, save for the slight tightening of the muscles across his mouth that Aloy recognized as severe irritation.  
  
“I know trouble when I see it, Aloy. It lives with me.”  
  
Rost eyed her evenly as she tossed her bag over her shoulder and stormed out of the shop, snatching her cold chai off the top of the counter for good measure. She thought about slam dunking it into the trash can in an effort to make a statement, but decided it would just make her look more justifiably childish. Instead, she focused on breathing deeply as she waited for the bus to pull up, and scratched little pieces off the coarse cardboard on the outside of the cup once it was fully empty. Her fingers caught a stray strip of paper along the bottom and her heart raced, pulling out the small, unnoticed note from the bottom of the cup. She had nearly forgotten to check if Nil had left her anything that day.  
  
The small piece of paper was a little worse for wear, mostly due to her angry handling of the cup, but the writing on the bottom was still legible.  
  
_“The course of true love never did run smooth.”_  
  
Aloy’s mouth turned up into a thin line. On one hand, she was warmed by the soft declaration of affection that Nil always provided to her. On the other hand, though… did he have to be so damned poignant? She breathed deeply, convincing herself that whatever awaited her at home that night, she could tackle it with Nil at her side. Besides, this was something she could talk through with Rost if she really tried, she was certain. He couldn’t just put her on house arrest for having a boyfriend, right?


	7. Anemone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Anemone; Anticipation_

Rost had, much to no one’s surprise, been quite quick to place Aloy on house arrest for having a boyfriend. Thanks to Varl’s not so subtle indication of the security tapes, Rost had seen a fairly extensive catalogue of Nil arriving at the store and serenading his foster daughter, meaning he had already developed a rock solid opinion of the matter by the time he arrived home to speak to Aloy that night. To him, it was clear; this gang affiliated man was serenading his too trusting kid by offering her romantic attention with the intent of luring her to her death at the hands of the eclipse. Aloy was powerless to really fight this accusation, since doing so would involve incriminating herself and her actions of the past few weeks.  
  
Namely, she didn’t want Rost to know that the intimidating shadow man had _already_ convinced Aloy to come to his home. Alone. And that she’d willingly ridden in his car to undisclosed locations multiple times, among other glaring safety class violations.  
  
Also that they’d kissed. _A lot._ And maybe she loved him? She wasn’t sure yet.  
  
Aloy sighed, staring up at the ceiling of her room in frustrated boredom. Her phone was off limits during house hours, since Rost paid for it and he reasoned that she didn’t need to use it for safety reasons if she was already under his roof. Rost supported Aloy in basically every facet of her life, and since her trust fund left by her mother was off-limits until she procured a degree of some sort (a caveat of her mother’s airtight will) she was wholly at the mercy of whatever ridiculous safety measure Rost implemented on her. Unless she wanted to move out and start buying things for herself which, frankly, she didn’t. To make matters worse, Nil’s last message to Aloy indicated he would be going on some sort of extended business trip, meaning he would be unable to talk to her anyway.  
  
The idea of a mortician going on an isolated business trip rolled around in Aloy’s brain again, and she tried to make sense of it. What could Nil be doing that required an extended period of electronic radio silence? Besides that, why did morticians even go on business trips…? Dead people came to them, didn’t they? She pushed down the feelings of uncertainty but they lingered, clogging up her chest uncomfortably. What if everyone was right? Something just seemed so suspicious about it all.  
  
A sharp _tack!_ against Aloy’s window drew her from her stupor and she stilled, tilting her head to listen. The sound cut into her room again, and she identified it as a small projectile hitting her glass window a few feet from the edge of her bed. Leaning over, she peered through a slit in her blinds to see the figure of Varl in the grass down below, impatiently bouncing back and forth on his feet and peering around the side of the house. Aloy popped open her window and stuck her head out, scowling.  
  
“Varl, what the fuck?”  
  
Varl’s head snapped back to attention and his smile looked relieved. “Oh, good I was afraid Rost would catch me before I got your attention,” he said, casting his eyes back towards the side of the house that held the living room, where Rost was no doubt watching television. “C’mon, it’s a jailbreak.”  
  
“A what? Jailbreak? Are you shitting me right now Varl? This is like the judge sneaking you out after personally delivering case files to the executioner,” Aloy grumbled back, her face turned in a deep frown.  
  
“I know,” Varl said, and he stopped bouncing back and forth nervously. He looked legitimately remorseful, which cracked Aloy’s icy demeanor just slightly. “Aloy, I’m sorry. That was really shitty of me. Please just come down so I can give you a proper apology?”  
  
Despite her difficult demeanor, Aloy wasted no time vaulting out of her window, rolling to a stop on the mossy grass down below her. Varl stepped back, and Aloy couldn’t resist the smile that tugged at her features as he laughed nervously under his breath. “Shit, that was way too impressive. I’m kinda scared you’re gonna kick my ass now,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. “You’re not, right?”  
  
“No,” Aloy murmured, smudging grass off the knees of her jeans. “But I might if you don’t tell me what’s up ASAP.”  
  
“Right right. Well, I felt really shitty about what happened, obviously. I can’t stand you coming into work looking so… depressed, dude.” Aloy cringed, but Varl shook his head continuing on. “So Petra drove me out here and we’re gonna take you out for a night of fun, okay?”  
  
“Petra’s here?!” Aloy burst, then clapped a hand over her mouth. She and Varl anxiously peered around the corner through the living room window where Rost sat, still unmoving. They both breathed a sigh of relief, and Varl ushered Aloy out to where Petra’s formidable work truck idled around the corner. Aloy bounced up and opened the door excitedly, spotting Petra sitting behind the wheel.  
  
“Woah, everyone in one piece! Very surprising. Waiting on your vengeance, little firecracker?”  
  
Aloy smiled at Petra as she elbowed Varl out of the front seat, reaching her knuckles out to bump against the other woman’s. “Not that I’m not thankful to see you, but what’s all this about?” Aloy questioned as she buckled herself in.  
  
“Varl told me about what a sour lemon you’ve been since Rost cut you off from your little boy-toy, so I figured you could use a night of fun,” Petra explained, smirking over at Aloy. She held up her hand as Aloy opened her mouth to bite back about the somewhat patronizing comment. “No need, I’m on your side with this. All these men thinking you are some delicate little flower, but I know better. You want this man? You go get him.”  
  
“Couldn’t we maybe go for guys in the future that maybe don’t hold a threat of death?” Varl commented from the back seat, though his voice held no real heat.  
  
Petra scoffed, cutting her eyes at him through the rear view mirror. “If anyone is in danger it would be this mystery man of Aloy’s. She is a formidable opponent, and I think it’s about time she be rewarded for her excellence.”  
  
“Yeah but-“  
  
“Shh!” Petra snapped, holding up one finger. “If he dies, he dies.”

 

~---~

 

Aloy sighed, her body buzzing with irritated energy. Petra and Varl had taken her to a small night club within the limits of the neighboring city, and the human contact was starting to get to her. It wasn’t terrible by Aloy’s standards; the club was vintage themed with mostly wood interior and limited flashing lights. The problem was that it was an “underage” club, meaning anyone over 18 could be within the limits and the majority of the floor was littered with obnoxious teenagers. Yes, she had conceded that she herself was also an “obnoxious teenager”, but the vibe was… different. Varl and Petra had done their best to pick somewhere as distracting as possible, and Aloy was sure they had their best intentions in mind, but couldn’t they just have gone bowling or something a little quieter?  
  
A sharp bark of laughter brought her out of her sulk as Varl and Petra swayed around the dancefloor, shifting along with others as they performed the sequence of moves attached to the pop song blaring over the speakers. Aloy smiled as Varl spun around, pointing his index finger at her and signaling her to join them on the floor. Not wanting to seem ungrateful for the invitation and not having anything better to do, she held her arms up helplessly and somewhat reluctantly walked out to join them. Petra immediately reached out and folded her into the crowd with them, leading her along as they stomped about the polished wood floors.  
  
The mood was infectious and Aloy soon found herself laughing along, striking the necessary poses with Petra and Varl beside her, cheering her on. It was unfamiliar, since Aloy had never attended any dances or gone to any parties during her time in high school, but she couldn’t deny the inherent excitement of the activity. The beat changed as the songs shifted and Petra clapped Aloy over the shoulder, beaming at her as she gave an enthusiastic thumbs up. They stayed like that on the floor for a few more songs, Aloy enjoying the feeling of release as she moved about the room, just another member of the crowd.  
  
“I’m going to get some air” she mouthed to Varl after the muggy heat of the squishing bodies became too much for her. He gave her an enthusiastic thumbs-up and turned his attention back to the cute girl he was talking to. Aloy watched their exchange a few seconds more, blushing as the girl tossed her a wink while Varl was distracted, and took her cue to escape.  
  
She ducked out around the side door but quickly backtracked as she realized several other people had the same idea as her, two of whom were grossly locked at the mouth. Aloy made a gagging noise to herself and wandered around back, stepping out the emergency exit by the bathrooms at the back of the building. This side of the club was quiet, the sounds of the music inside dulled to a smothered bumping at the back of her head, and she let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. A light summer rain had started outside, and Aloy took a few steps out from the ide of the building, sighing as the water dripped over her hot, sweaty skin.  
  
As she stepped out into the drizzle, she noticed two people standing at the head of the alleyway holding some sort of conversation. They stopped as they spotted her step away from the doorway, their conversation turning to hushed murmurs. Aloy’s muscles tensed, her heart starting to beat hard in her chest, but she worked to assure herself that she was overreacting. She’d been conditioned for so long to assume everyone wanted to attack her, she was probably just overreacting, and these were two guys probably just wanting to get some fresh air like everyone else. No big deal.  
  
They stalked down the alleyway towards her, and she forced her face to remain calm. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted a third figure lingering at the mouth of the alley. Now, the odds were starting to get a bit worrisome. Aloy reached her hand to her side and realized with a start that she’d left her bag with all her stuff back inside the club at the booth where she, Varl and Petra had sat.  
  
“Hey little lady, you seem lost. Looking for someone?” One of the men leered at her, his hair greasy against his skull. “Maybe we’ve got what you’re looking for. Or maybe you’ve got what we’re looking for,” the other jeered, his hands stiff inside his pockets.  
  
“Fuck off,” Aloy said, and felt a twinge of pride as her voice came out clear. She hoped her face looked as composed as she sounded, and she breathed out slowly to relax her posture. She reached back to the door behind her and it tugged out about an inch before the lock caught it, resisting her pull with a dull thud. _‘Shitshitshitshit, the emergency exit locks from the inside, of course!’  
  
_ The men chuckled darkly behind her, and she swung around into an aggressive stance. “I’m only going to warn you once. Step. Away.” Aloy warned, her voice low.  
  
“Oh yeah? Or what?” The larger man sneered and stepped forward to grab the front of her shirt. Reflexively, Aloy grabbed onto his wrist and twisted her body around, wrenching his arm under itself as she pushed harshly into a pressure point at the head of his elbow. The man cursed, releasing his grip and snarling as he wrenched backwards away from her. Sensing him on the defensive, Aloy pushed forward into his space and swept her leg forward, setting him off balance. As he stumbled forward to catch himself she locked her fingers behind his head and drew his nose into her knee.  
  
“Fuck!” He slurred, his hand against his face as he fell backwards against his partner. Blood seeped out between his dirty fingers, and he snarled up at the man behind him. “What the fuck are you waiting for, asshole? Get her!”  
  
Unfortunately, Aloy couldn’t use surprise to her advantage in the second round, and the new assailant was also significantly larger than his bloodied companion. Within a few tense moves, the brute had her pinned against the alley wall, his knife against her neck as he heaved heavy breaths. The tattoos under his eyes glistened with a fine sheet of sweat and grease under the yellow light of the street lamps. She scrabbled to think of the proper technique to escape his grip as a third voice echoed down the alleyway.  
  
“Stop.”  
  
The third figure had joined them and was standing a few paces away, in the shadow. Aloy’s heart pounded at his simple command, and her breath caught in her throat. The voice was familiar.  
  
“Who the fuck are you?” The brute with the knife demanded, echoing Aloy’s thoughts. His counterpart on the ground let out a choked cough. “Shit, Shit! It’s the fucking reaper!” He squirmed, stumbling to his feet.  
  
Aloy took their moment of distraction to her advantage. If there was three of them now, she had no chance of beating them in combat. She had to prioritize escape. Her left arm pushed up and out against the elbow holding the knife and she brought her knee up into his stomach, dropping down beneath the man as he reflexively doubled over. The knife in his hand clattered to the ground with her and she instinctively lunged for it, rolling to the side away from the three attackers.  
  
A wet groan sounded from above her and Aloy turned just in time to see the smaller man, the one she’d battered with her knee, gasp and fall to the ground in front of her. The sharp glint of a blade stuck out from the apex of his shoulders and Aloy’s throat felt constricted. Who…?  
  
“You piece of shit. I always knew you were a scumbag,” said the brute, who grabbed Aloy by the back of her shirt. “I don’t know why you’re protecting this girl, but you’re gonna regret it!”  
  
He whipped her around and she sprang, her combat practice with Vanasha and Talanah kicking in as the opportunity struck. There was a sickly wet sound and a release of breath as the man went limp above her. She struck again, angling higher for a precise strike into the ribs. That wet sound again. He was heavy, and Aloy pushed him away as she stumbled backwards. Her hand found the wall on the opposite side of the alleyway and she pushed against it, steadying herself.  
  
A steady pool of blood was filling around the man’s crumpled form, and she gasped, eyes flickering up to the other two. Only one of them remained upright, crouched in front of the supine form of the second attacker. His blade glinted in the light as he cut a neat arc across the mans throat, sealing his fate.  
  
“You should be more careful, Aloy,” he murmured, slowly rising from the now-corpse. “One might think you’re trying to drum up more business for your shop, filling coffins like this.” He smiled in the weak light and Aloy’s stomach dropped.  
  
“Nil,” Aloy choked, confusion battling with her fight-or-flight response. She watched him, stunned, as he rolled over the body of the heavier man and examined the wounds. _‘He’s… not breathing…’_  
  
Nil hummed, pressing one of his thumbs into the knife hole at the top left of the man’s chest. “Were you aiming for the heart?” He questioned, mostly to himself. Looking up at Aloy, his eyes seemed colder than they ever had, steely underneath the wet drips of his hair. “Are you going to call for an ambulance?”  
  
The question caught Aloy off guard. “What?”  
  
“This one, he’ll die within the next thirty minutes or so of blood loss without proper medical attention. Are you going to help him?” Nil clarified, watching her with an even expression.  
  
Her eyes locked on his slumped form in front of her feet, blood oozing at a steady rate through his messy shirt. She thought about his knife against her neck. How they’d attacked her for no reason. They didn’t even seem like they knew her. What if it had been someone less capable then her. Less prepared for the worst…?  
  
“No,” she whispered, and the word had a sense of finality to it. She thought momentarily of using her lack of a phone as an excuse, but it wouldn’t have been honest. That wasn’t why.  
  
Nil nodded and his arm swiped forward, the curve of his blade slicing across the man’s throat. The nail in the proverbial coffin. Aloy watched, fascinated by the precision at which his arm moved along with the blade. Not a single fleck of blood crossed onto Nil’s hand; it was the perfection of movement which someone only possesses after experience.   
  
He sheathed his blade in a leather slip and moved towards Aloy slowly, like one would approached a dog with its teeth bared. “Are you hurt?” He asked. Aloy shook her head no. “Are you alone?” She shook her head no again.  
  
Nil nodded, taking in the information. “Tell them you’re leaving, then,” he said, and Aloy shook her head once more.  
  
“No, I… No. I can’t. I don’t have my phone… Petra and Varl are probably inside looking for me…”  
  
Nil frowned. She was in shock, likely. He looped his arms around her and lifted her off the ground, carrying her to where he’d parked his car several blocks up. He planted her in the front seat, leaning the seat back as he shuffled her in. “Wait here. I’ll be back.”  
  
Aloy decompressed in the front seat of Nil’s car, her awareness of each of her limbs coming back one by one. She tried to focus on her breathing, feeling light headed even as she felt the numbness in her fingertips receding. Remembering the experience, it was like she was seeing it through someone else’s eyes instead of her own. And yet… the response to kill had come so naturally to her, the movements fluid, swift and precise. Was this what Vanasha and Talanah had been training her to do all her life, or was there some hidden part of her she had never acknowledged?  
  
The drivers side car door opened and Aloy jumped, forgetting where she was for a moment. Nil had come back so fast, or was she just that lost in thought…? She honestly wasn’t sure how long it had been. He handed her the small shoulder bag she’d brought with her and started the car.  
  
“My friends…” Aloy started, and Nil held up a hand passively.  
  
“No need, I let them know I’d be taking care of you tonight,” he stated simply.  
  
Aloy nodded, not so numb anymore but still uncomfortable with the idea of going home after everything that had happened. And yet, here she was, comfortable in the car with a man she had just seen very blatantly murder two people. He didn’t even hesitate. He sunk his blade into their bodies like one would do to a rat found scurrying through a back storage room, stealing foot or chewing insulation.  And to top it all off he was… so good at it. So fluid. Precise.  
  
They rolled to a stop outside the familiar sight of Nil’s apartment building. Aloy hesitated, her mind whirling. “What the fuck is going on,” she said, her voice much clearer than she expected it to be. “I… fuck, Nil, did we just murder two people?”  
  
Nil shook his head, shrugging out of his seatbelt casually and exiting the vehicle, appearing once more on the passenger side to open the door for her. “Not really,” he replied. “Can you walk?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m… fine,” Aloy said, and she was surprised to feel that it wasn’t really a lie. The endorphins from the encounter had run out, leaving her feeling less buzzed and more tired than anything. Nil seemed vaguely surprised, but allowed her to emerge from the car and walk with him up the steps without comment.  
  
Inside, the apartment looked much the same as it had the last time she’d been there around a week ago. This seemed incorrect, given how much had changed since then, and yet there it was. Clean, straightforward, and filled to the brim with lively plants.  Something about this struck a chord with Aloy and she gave a small chuckle at first, which slowly became a full-blown laughing fit for her. The raucous sound filled the space, and Nil rounded about her questioningly.  
  
“Sorry, I… It’s just so fucking funny that you have all these plants in here,” she supplied to Nil as she caught her breath.  
  
“I’m afraid I don’t follow,” he replied, watching her closely.  
  
“Uhh, well I mean… you really are like the grim reaper, aren’t you?” Aloy retorted, watching Nil’s expression. “Those two guys, they called you that, right? So… why do you have all these houseplants? It must take a lot of effort to keep them alive. Pick a side Nil, are you good at killing things or keeping them alive?”  
  
“Well, plants don’t bleed,” Nil hummed, looking over at the extensive array in front of the main window. “But, I suppose you’re right. However, it’s not the response I expected,” he commented, turning his attention back to her. “Aren’t you… afraid? Regretful?” He leaned in a bit closer, wiping a fleck of blood off Aloy’s cheek. “Curious…?”  
  
Aloy blushed, her heart beating hard in her chest again. “Curious, yes. All those other things…” she trailed off, thinking for a moment. “No. You saved my life, Nil. I think those guys wanted to kill me, I mean… what was I supposed to do?”  
  
“You’re not afraid?” Nil repeated, his stare intense.  
  
“No,” Aloy said again, her brow furrowing as her brain struggled to understand the truthful response. “I mean… fuck I hope we don’t get caught, right? I guess I’m nervous about that. How many times have you done this?”  
  
Nil’s face broke out in a wild smile, his sharp teeth glinting in the moonlight filtering through the window. “A lot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry I haven't updated in forever, I've been busy. I re-read this fic the other day and realized it was good so I've decided to keep writing it lmao


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